ts’amé

I know vampirism is often used as a metaphor for the drain of the aristocracy but I think it would be fun to have more vampire characters who were just some guy before they got turned. You seek out the most ancient vampire in existence and find out he was a 40 year old wheat farmer in ancient Mesopotamia when he was turned 7,000 years ago and he hasn’t been doing much since then.

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

sorry i unpacked all my trauma do you still wanna kiss

We didnt get on the same train…. Ships passi g in the night

do you think of me too…

seeing everyone’s spotify stats is so much fun to me i love sounds and i love lists. and i love you

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Is this…shipping discourse?

just moosh her up, add some whole crans, some orange bits, and a dash of chinese 5 spice and appreciate the sweet acidic counterpoint to your fatty carby holiday foods.

.... No. The Log is to be sliced into discs and eaten plain. This is the way.

That jiggly red cylinder sliding out of the can, that's the sound of Christmas.

That’s fabric?! 🤯

Ripley's don't believe it

DO WEREWOLVES HAVE TOE BEANS

of course they have toe beans what else do you suck on

if there is a god, mine is surely a trickster, giving me the miracle of sight and of comprehension only for me to be cursed to use it on what you just said