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mother nature is an entity that remembers, it stands infinitely more experienced than us, it stands strong even against the greatest meteor showers, it transforms again and again. it rises triumphant against the boils of thumping rocks and the worse of radiation from outer space.

even if we struggle, we must accept our inevitable end. we fly to our deaths knowing our predetermined fates, to keep calm even in death because "that is what fate intends." no one can stay too long, time and balance are truly our toughest opponents: it was never mom and dad or our bully or the strict boss, in the perspective of the moving universe, it has always been time.

thats why space must seem so bewitching, the only escape from our strangely normalised placeholder upon the earth.

as we leave our bounded homes, strive for the sky, the unlimited possibilities await us, we could travel anywhere, without the restriction of social norms or the ticking of time.

I am not pitiful enough to be sending you these messages but as the only way I can expose my sadness for our departure to you, i have been doing something different.

that day we broke up, i accidentally caught you listening to our song at 1 am. back then I thought you were pathetic and stupid, we blocked each other on every single social except airbuds, a small platform im sure you dont use anymore, therefore it must have slipped your mind that you are exposing yourself to me.

but to me, it was reassuring, to know that what we had was real, that i have someone who will miss me. even now, even if you no longer blast breakup songs, i will still leave my music history on, play that song on repeat, hoping the signs are enough for you to pick up. that maybe you would check this dumb app on your phone and feel the urge to stalk my music history, to see my desperate plea to crawl back to you.

I didn't want this, my heart will always miss you, I will always let you back into my life. so please, since I cant voice my love to you anymore, let my trailing songs carry forth my apology to you. im sorry for ending it, i cherished what we had far more than what i originally amounted for.

in every single time period of history, we will always run towards danger in the name of "living in the moment", to falter in determination after a comrades death, to let the love for others cause our own suffering, to find beauty behind harsh conditions.

do you think the dinosaurs craved for others on doomsday? as they looked at the shining meteors about to abolish them, did they ever see the beauty, the poetry in such a moment?

a few years ago i used to think self sacrifice was selfish, such people choose to burden everyone with guilt and grief, assuming by themselves that others would want to be saved by them.

but now, i find it so heartbreakingly beautiful.

even if they ache with their insides torn apart, their heart must be full and completely satisfied. they must've pictured the following happiness ensured after their sacrifice, the peace, the quiet air without all the fighting and violence. to be the one to decide the certainty of that in a world of changing variables, how fulfilling that must be.