No offense but *coughs into a white cloth, then dramatically unfolds it to reveal that it is spotted with blood, foreshadowing my tragic death by tuberculosis at the ending of the film*

dont fucking bother me i’ll be in my room destroying traditional american values

did u know: according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turns into the frightochondria and becomes the haunted house of the cell

#they look like theyve been having a chat about u and u just walked in

straight women kissing other women to feel fun and sexy and #empowered vs. straight men not wanting to be caught dead with their lips anywhere near another man: fight

why would they fight they’re dating and calling me slurs behind my back together 

They fight because they’re dating and don’t know how to do healthy relationships in any context

i say this like once a month but modern artemis would absolutely be a country butch lesbian wearing aviator shades and a messy ponytail and a camo jacket and hunting boots, she’s in a bigass silver truck with a deer skull mounted on the front, she’s got her gold shotgun next to her and there’s like 10 girls in the back of the truck with beers and she’s doing donuts in the bass pro shops parking lot blasting like dixie chicks

one full month ago over dinner my mother kept talking about how they were gonna make a “cats film with idris elba where they cgi the human faces over the bodies” and i told her “mom, you got confused reading the press release, that’s definitely not a movie that they’re making,” like a kind daughter, not googling anything, not anticipating that she was Cassandra and that i would be left mourning the ashes of Troy in four short weeks

dont talk to me unless youre lgbt, a mild tacobell sauce packet, or the mummy ride from orlando studios florida,

And if im all three?

some fools be like “i play games to escape my responsibilities” then pick tank or healer

in my greatest fantasies i am able to help people

none of the lannister siblings are Good People-tm, you’re just supposed to pick the one you’d most wanna do shots with and support them ride-or-die style

I hope every lesbian who grew up being told that lesbian was a bad word finds peace and comfort and pride in the knowledge that lesbian is a good wonderful word with a deep rich meaning and history

you ever dip your entire oreo in milk except for the part where youre holding it and feel like thetis dipping newborn achilles into the river styx leaving him invulnerable everywhere except for his heel