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His third eye is wide open

finding out picasso died in 1973 feels like the fakest thing ive ever heard. everyone talks about him like he lived in a cave with nothing but a torch and paint he made from berries or bear shit or somethin but nah this dude probably sat down watchin looney tunes thinkin “damn i should draw some dude with a nose on his forehead thatd be dope” i feel so lied to

poor old granny scorpion-shoes. no one ever saw her death coming

it was pneumonia.

yes, her pet scorpion pneumonia, who lived in her shoe. tragic.

he shot her point blank

the most obnoxious part of the holiday season is commercials that try to sound like ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas and have a dinky xylophone playing in the background while the narrator tells you in rhyme to buy a Ford

honestly it is SO goddamn funny whenever some straight man calls me a whore or a bitch or something like girl you think that shit hurts my feelings? my closest friend once told me i dressed like an accounting major going through her 2nd divorce while trying to get her oldest stepchild to call her once a month. THATS a real insult. try harder.

I love this post because one time my younger sister told me I looked like a turtle from one of the Ice Age movies and since then nothing has cut me deeper than that

yea that’s him :/

No one has seen you look worse than the gas station closest to your house.

this is UPS driver erasure

I’ve never seen a UPS person. They toss those packages from the highway. Don’t even stop.

no YOU live in a society. i live in an “abandoned” victorian castle “infested” with vampires with a huge library containing first edition books that have been banned by the catholic church for immoral content

I hate it. It’s going in every game I run forever