Hellos & Goodbyes

TW: ED

So here I am. I’ve finally taken the courage to deal with the monsters I’ve been holding on to since I was 13. All these while I thought my monster was rather passive, that I could control it and that it was not controlling me.

But truth is, I’ve relapse after 5 years. I could have experienced little triggers and moments, but this time round, it’s been really killing me.

I had to acknowledge to my counsellor that I have bulimia. And the progressiveness of my condition is bad. My relapse is bad. I’m still trying to absorb what was shared because it is so heavy to address that Monster.

I knew that Monster. The Monster constantly puts me down when I look in the mirror. These days, the Monster is relatively loud, especially when it comes to meal times. I am excited about food, I like to take pictures of food. But once I eat it, the Monster tends to take over and tell me to get it out soon.

I’m not sure what manifested into the Monster. All I know is that it is loud, and it is getting louder. I’m an empty shell now, because I allowed the Monster to be taking control. But I took a step forward and here’s my journey.

Translated Lyrics, Song 1.