Aftercare isn’t a script, it isn’t mass produced and packaged. It isn’t the same every time, and it doesn’t contain the same stuff (or even accomplish the same emotional needs) between different people! Aftercare is what you do to take care of someone after you’ve been in an altered headspace from sex or BDSM with them. Specifically, it’s what you do in order to come back to a regulated headspace. That’s it.

It can depend on personal preference, how well you know your partner, or be context or play dependent! It can be physical or verbal, long or short, low energy or high energy. In dynamic or out of dynamic. Romanticizing a specific acceptable image of what care looks like isn’t good for us. It’s even led to me seeing people asking “What if I don’t need aftercare?” And if that’s been you, I’m going to blow your mind. If you feel like you “don’t need aftercare” just because you feel like breaking out in hives from being cuddled and doted on and given affirmations and water, that doesn’t actually mean you’re skipping out on aftercare. Being left alone might be your aftercare.

Yeah, crazy right? Some people come up to baseline and can prevent drop with a hug, a joint, and super smash. Some people’s aftercare is a long cry and time alone before reconnecting and checking in in the morning. Some people just want to take a fucking nap. And yeah, cuddles and kisses and water and candy are all really nice things most people really enjoy! But aftercare needs are as diverse as kink interests in the first place. You can’t assume that everyone is doing kink with the same emotional palette, the same insecurities to be reassured or the same goals. You’ve gotta talk about it!

But it's completely customizable... I mean, sure, random messages reminding you to be mindful is neat. But I want reminders that I'm a slut, or that I'm just an object. I want random triggers and a mantra that drop me and leave me drooling unexpectedly. I want to wake up edging and wondering what the fuck happened until I see the notification again as my head starts to get fuzzy and the room fades a way for the second, third, fourth time? Who knows how long its been.

After a couple of months of her training, I tested her. We sat on the couch watching a show. I reached into my pocket for my device.

“Click”

She instinctively reached for her bong and took a hit. I let some time pass, and then tried again.

“Click”

Without a word, she reached over, sparked up and took another hit.

“Click”

Another hit.

“Click”

Another hit.

I let her relax for a bit, letting the herb make her brain nice and stupid for me.

I could tell she was so high at this point, the perfect opportunity to see how well she had trained herself.

“Click click”

She closed her eyes and let out a quiet moan. I let her regain her composure before testing her again.

“Click click”

Another soft moan escaped her lips. Now I knew I had her under my control. Her brain belonged to me.

“Click”

Another hit from her bong, making her just a little bit dumber.

“Click click”

Her eyes rolled back as she came yet again.

Just as she finished cumming, I went again.

“Click click”

This time she was louder, almost unable to hold back, throwing her head back and moaning with pleasure.

Hmmm, I wonder just how many times I can make my pretty whore cum?

there's a lot of fun to having big scenes, of course. getting tied up and completely restrained, taking a massive beating, getting completely mindfucked, being reduced to a slave, and so on... all a lot of fun, but there's something to just being casually kinky.

it's fun to have an undercurrent of kink and play outside of scenes, to have little reminders and pokes that keep it in its place. it is always wearing its collar, it's cute little cat ears, it is a toy and a pet. it enjoys little orders, small tasks, a spank here or there, surprise triggers, light teasing, and the occasional degrading comment so it never quite forgets what it is - not that it ever could.

it likes sitting at others feet, quietly keeping them company. not necessarily doing anything other than being there to support, ready. it likes being dressed up specifically to cater to the tastes of others, special outfits, a little rope, special collars and cuffs. it likes being present, active, and ready for others.

this isn't just play, it's a lifestyle. it's a part of what it is. it doesn't stop being submissive, it doesn't stop wanting to show it, it doesn't stop wanting others to think of it as a toy. it wants to serve, it wants to obey, and it wants others to take advantage of that, even in the quiet moments. once consent it confirmed, it wants to be told, not asked. it wants to be controlled and directed. it looks for ways to support and make itself available to those it likes.