Imagine me in pigtails and a plaid mini skirt because class is in session 😌

*clears throat*

If someone’s well-articulated opinion causes a jolt of heat in your belly or you find yourself sexually drawn to people who make you think, you might be ✨sapiosexual.✨

My experience of attraction is rooted less in abs (or other body parts) than in intellectual and psychological connection. There are physical qualities that I really like - strong shoulders and sharp canines and expressive eyes, for example - but without mental stimulation, it’s not a match for me.

I remember going to a very famous male strip show some time ago with friends who, after about 10 minutes, were ready to slide out of their seats and start humping legs. The performers were conventionally attractive. Their stamina was impressive. But I didn’t leave wanting any of them to bend me over my hotel bed.

You see *adjusts little glasses and leans over your desk* sapiosexuality isn’t the complete absence of physical attraction, it’s the experience of intelligence, creativity, or maybe curiosity, depth, acting as drivers of attraction. It can create attraction that wouldn’t have been there otherwise and it can snuff out attraction that was budding based on the physical. It can maintain attraction powerfully.

To be clear *gestures to chalkboard with pointer that looks suspiciously like cane* there’s a difference between wanting a smart partner as a value and your body physically responding to someone’s mind. It’s not valuing competence or cleverness, it’s finding yourself wet or hard after recognizing these qualities.

If you’re here, you probably enjoy erotic writing. I enjoy it in all forms. Like sexting - opening a sexy, substantive message from someone whose brain I like is better foreplay to me than oral sex.

But that may be extreme. Maybe you have sapio tendencies without fully identifying as such. If you’ve ever heard someone say, “I can’t sleep with someone until we’ve had a good conversation,” you’ve heard a little whisper of the same phenomenon.

D/s is a good example because, despite appearances, it’s intensely mental.

The visuals matter, of course, but what makes it the most compelling isn’t just what someone’s doing to your body.

Laying on your back with your legs by your ears in a micro skirt and thigh-highs while your Dom pushes his cock in and out of your restrained body, your pussy gripping him… is extremely hot to watch 🫦 But it’s infinitely hotter because you know his mind. You respect him, you look up to him, you enjoy his thoughts and darkness and the things he cares about. *adjusts thigh-highs*

Of course, even in D/s, there’s a spectrum. There are Doms who throw you around and call you a slut, and there are Doms who reach into your head and use everything they know to dominate the essence of you. It’s language, intellect, psychology, creativity, anticipation. It’s less a show of the physical and more an art. I prefer the latter.

Similarly, there are subs who simply find it hot to follow instructions or to be smacked around a bit and there are subs who derive so much mental bliss from their submission that their minds transport them to a bone-deep place of surrender. Autonomy is not an option, you will do what you’re told; in a good way, like being cocooned in a soft place of control. They experience submission as a profoundly mental state, where all their own creativity, intellect, and language show up, albeit in a different form (and provided that it’s a gag-less occasion.) *throws ball gag at you*

For someone sapio, the mental shapes and reshapes how you experience desire itself.

We spend a lot of time discussing who we’re attracted to and surprisingly little time discussing why. We talk endlessly about bodies, but for some, attraction is largely founded on things that are not visible.

(Hi again, that’s me 👸🏼)

Sometimes the sexiest thing about a person isn’t their body at all.