What Am I Doing

i'm like if a hedonist didn't derive pleasure out of anything

THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF DISAPPOINTMENT IM SO HAPPY THAT PEOPLE SAW TOP HATS AND SAID “oh boy a new pocket :)”

I love this.

my henchmen

they should normalize saying "I'm thinking of you fondly but don't have much to say and frankly I don't even really want to talk rn but you have appeared in my thoughts and it's nice"

Ok I think this might be funnier with context actually. This is a review for a strip club in Toronto.

my beautiful baby who i'm naming untitled document

i can't seem to find my baby

If you enjoyed this book you should read every other book in the world for extra textual context. All things are intricately related to one another.

It kind of fucks with me that somebody killed ötzi the iceman because ötzi himself is like whatever but the silent presence of human hands that drew back the string of the bow that shot the arrow that killed him is crazy. the idea that there were various people involved in that situation and while one of them has had his last hours painstakingly reconstructed and studied to no end, the others now only exist insofar that an arrowhead had to get into his shoulder somehow. imagine killing someone and then suddenly your entire existence is only a vague shadow implied by the fact that you killed them. much to consider

Testing the mummified bone marrow of ötzi to figure out his ancestry whole time there’s definitely another person, maybe more than one, standing in the room with us but I can never see or speak to them because I only know them through the assurance that they were there too in the form of one single arrowhead. I hate prehistory so much it’s unreal

"become a fish" (gay)

men will jump through an entire circus' worth of hoops rather than admitting they're bi

I move that we put the moon under the jurisdiction of the Bedford Borough Council.

ⓘ Tip If you feel unfulfilled by how you spent your time today, you can stay up late to try to combat the sense of dissatisfaction. This will ensure that you feel even worse tomorrow.

being online is so scary aren't you guys worried about the world wide spider

It took 36 years for someone to make this joke and by god it was worth the wait