The Bowery Presents
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Today's Document
Claire Keane
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@theartofmadeline
izzy's playlists!
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@heenzor
"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted
I love how every single Georg post observes the original's typo
i like that you said "observe" instead of "preserve," implying this has religious importance.
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twitter is going to be shut down. half of reddit is locked or completely unmoderated. the entire first page of google search results are ads. tumblr does not and will never have a functioning search system and their content moderation is 100% automated. youtube only shares ad revenue with people who make snuff films for Youtube Kids. facebook is selling your grandma’s social security number under the table for like $5. web 2.0 is completely dead right
CLADISTICS ruined my life
yall joke but this is actually a serious conundrun with cladistic-based classification
The choice is this:
Birds are reptiles
Or crocodilians (and probably turtles) ARENT
That’s it, that’s the choice
What if Bird and reptiles are two different things that came from the same thing
Nope
Because you can’t group (lizards, snakes, tuatara, turtles, crocodilians) without also including (birds)
So if you don’t want to include birds in reptiles then you have to leave out some things we’ve called reptiles
birds are dinosaurs though, full stop. we’ve already defined what a dinosaur is and it includes birds. but reptiles isn’t really defined so much as thrown against a wall angrily.
But don’t turtles and alligators have more in common with modern reptiles than modern birds have in common with modern reptiles? I’m not trying to contradict, I’m trying to understand. Mammals and reptiles have a common ancestor as well, but we do not make them the same group.
It’s not about having things in common. It’s about common ancestry, which is how we classify animals in light of extinct species, which defy trait-based classification.
And, the common ancestor of [lizards, snakes, tuatara, turtles, crocodilians] by definition is also the common ancestor of birds. It is NOT the common ancestor of mammals.
So, either we decide that Tuatara Lizards and Snakes are the only reptiles, or we include birds as reptiles. Or we just decide reptiles are no longer a thing.
don’t throw reptiles against the wall? please? some of them are small and delicate. you could hurt them.
Basically, unless we’re maybe talking massive horizontal gene transfer, everything is still part of the group that came before it.
You are technically a fish.
IIRC the fish thing is so frustrating that scientists have decided fish is just not real cladistic grouping at all
hey could we go back please to the bit where the closest relative of Birds is Crocodiles? bc I am alarmed
Well, technically they’re equally-closely related to crocodiles, alligators, gharials and tomistomas. As archosaurs, they’re all descended from small reptiles that looked something like this
The two main groups of archosaurs are the Pseudosuchia, or crocodile-line archosaurs, and the Ornithodira, or bird-line archosaurs. Both groups were massively diverse in prehistory, with the Pseudosuchia dominating most land-based niches in the Triassic, and the Ornithodira, especially the dinosaurs, doing the same during the Jurassic and Cretaceous. However, most of them have been wiped out due to the Triassic and Cretaceous mass extinctions, leaving them each with only one surviving clade: Aves, the true birds, and Crocodylia, the semiaquatic, ambush predators like crocs and gators.
This entire post sums up everything we’re not allowed to mention in our Vertebrata classes because the last time someone started that argument they had to break up a fistfight.
I’m just hung up on the humans evolving from fish comment.
Like, we evolved from tiny tree-climbing squirrels. To the best of our knowledge.
…which evolved from tiny tree-climbing reptiles
…which evolved from amphibians
…which evolved from fish.
*runs in ten minutes late with a plucked chicken* BEHOLD A LIZARD
you could have left the feathers on this time tbh
It was already plucked. They just STOLE IT from philosophy 101.
Every turn on this post has been a left, but somehow it hasn’t hit itself, and instead just spiralled outwards like some Ancient Greco-Roman floor design, enveloping taxonomy Tumblr in chaos.
May I recommend the book “why fish don’t exist” by Lulu Miller
May I recommend
the book “why fish don’t exist”
by Lulu Miller
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
What was the point in animal planet airing those incredibly convincing fake documentaries about dragons and mermaids
If the aim was to convince incredibly gullible children that they were real it worked on me
I distinctly remember watching these and being like why is no one talking about this this is INSANE and then my mom had to explain that it’s fake
Sorry for believing animal planet. The channel that tells me facts about animals 99.9% of the time
To be completely fair to the dragon show:
It was titled Dragons: A Fantasy Made Real in North America
There's a big disclaimer at the start of the program that it's all fake
The narration calls them "the most incredible animals that never existed"
Most of it takes place in the distant past (there is a long segment of footage that takes place in the Cretaceous) and would have needed to be faked for the show anyways
There was an attached making-of program that showed how they made it all up, as well as a promotional magazine (which I own a copy of) that also shows how they made it all up
Pretty sure the website back in the day also included info about how they made it all up
The credits clearly list the VFX team and creature designers (one of whom was John Sibbick!), as well as who the actors were during the live-action segments
The back of the DVD makes it clear: "[Dragons] never existed in real life. But what if they had?"
The mermaid show was not this open about its true nature.
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the idea that your friends won't like you if you're too weird is wrong you just need better friends for example one time I told a friend whenever I was losing my mind I laid down on the floor under my desk and stared at it until I was better and next time she visited me she taped a bag of salami snacks to the underside of my desk with a message saying "going insane all by yourself, handsome?" which I only saw months later when I had a breakdown. that's friendship.
Saddest thing ever is reading an academic paper about a threatened or declining species where you can tell the author is really trying to come up with ways the animal could hypothetically be useful to humans in a desperate attempt to get someone to care. Nobody gives a shit about the animals that “don’t affect” us and it seriously breaks my heart
“No I can’t come out tonight I’m sobbing about this entomologist’s heartfelt plea for someone to care about an endangered moth”
This is how I learn there's a moth whose tiny caterpillars live exclusively off the old shells of dead tortoises.
[Image description: text from a section titled On Being Endangered: An Afterthought that says:
Realizing that a species is imperiled has broad connotations, given that it tells us something about the plight of nature itself. It reminds us of the need to implement conservation measures and to protect the region of which the species is a part. But aside form the broader picture, species have intrinsic worth and are deserving of preservation. Surely an oddity such as C. vicinella cannot simply be allowed to vanish.
We should speak up on behalf of this little moth, not only because by so doing we would bolster conservation efforts now underway in Florida, [highlighting begins] but because we would be calling attention to the existence of a species that is so infinitely worth knowing. [end highlighting]
But is quaintness all that can be said on behalf of this moth? Does this insect not have hidden value beyond its overt appeal? Does not its silk and glue add, potentially, to its worth? Could these products not be unique in ways that could ultimately prove applicable?
End image description]
because we would be calling attention to the existence of a species that is so infinitely worth knowing
I was so inspired by this I made it into a piece of art for a final in one of my courses for storytelling in conservation
cw transphobia
obviously this is an extremely bizarre tweet that got ratioed to hell and back, but it’s also hilarious that of all the authors in the entire English literary canon, she somehow landed on Shakespeare as the epitome of cisnormative writing.
like ma’am shakespeare’s characters go on stage and announce their gender to the audience within the first few lines in nearly every play. Including…you know….the very play you reference???
Some fun additions to this thread
everybody who has ever read Shakespeare is currently in that thread like:
AS YOU LIKE IT
everyone always cites Twelfth Night as peak Shakespearean Gender Fuckery but I dare anyone to look Rosalind from As You Like It in the eye and not acknowledge her as the most gender-fucking lead in Shakespeare’s entire bibliography.
Celia: “we must flee in disguise, so I shall be a demure country maid!”
Rosalind: “that sounds super rad, imma be a twink and name myself after the twinkiest twink that ever twinked!”
Celia: “that tracks”
Rosalind: “And then I’m gonna meet up with the guy I think is cute and help him practice flirting by pretending to be a twink pretending to be a girl (Aka me) and I’m going to be so incredibly normal about this.”
William Shakespeare, visibly vibrating: Imagine a hot boy who is also a hot girl. Just imagine that. Are you imagining it yet? OK now imagine another one
they finally end warrior cats by having all the clans battling in the same area and then just like the police in monty python the local humane society drives up and puts them all in a truck
Cretaceous Characters - Quetzalcoatlus meets a sub-adult triceratops. Just a silly paleoart cartoon thing of mine.
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I’m so emotional about dinosaur stuffed animals,,, there are these creatures, extinct long before any of us were alive, but we found their bones and their eggs and their footprints. And we made drawings and models of what they could’ve looked like. And we made them into stuffed animals so we could hold them. We made them soft so we could love them. I’m sobbing
First base is dropping a chandelier on her and second base is trapping her in a murder time loop
Third base is disemboweling her and fourth base is having a magic sword fight with her
I always kind of fail to do so but the true key to designing your own pokemon with an authentic feel is definitely to ruin it a little (affectionate). Like, did you draw a cool slick black and purple dark type dragon? Real proud of its color scheme and organic swooping shapes? Okay well what you’re gonna want to do now is add a very large blank yellow triangle thingy sticking out of the middle of its chest for no reason or I dunno maybe some nice big glaring grey zig zags painted right across those detailed realistic bat wings, come on do it coward
amazing contribution by @misophoria
"Ack ack ack... it's me, the Skinamarink!" - Skinamarink (2023)
wrong.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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😭😭😭it's just not fucking fair all I even want in this miserable world is to be despised by around two to four hilarious criminals who can build a functioning giant robotic vehicle but automatically fail everything else 😥😥😠😭 decades on this shit hole earth and I've never even been interrupted by someone's theme song what's even the point of life 😡
your faggotry is enchanting and your dykery beguiles
