Heartless Universe Comix

Get your own Arrested Development Paper Dolls.

In the desperate attempt to gain a viewership, the artist reduces himself to little more than a pornographer.

You know that moment of horror when you realize that you’ve been rewarded for a behavior that harms and devalues you, but which has continued just long enough that you must now either exhibit that behavior forever or start your life over from scratch?

You can’t keep up with young folks forever. One day you’re like, “I don’t need to learn how to use a VCR, that’s future stuff!” and the next you’re asking a teenager to help you program your VCR. And then the teenager is like, “Grandma, why do you even have a VCR? That’s an extinct technology and all you watch is season 8 of the Simpsons anyway.” And then you’re like, “What’s that, Sonny? Come closer so that I might lay these aged eyes upon thee.” Anyway, the point is: Everyone who lives long enough dies confused and valueless.

Fancy Cats Fancy Fancy's is this thing where the artist draws a sad cat and then writes beneath it the one thing the cat would have done if it could have lived ten minutes longer.

Now a new series called "How Much Fun Would It Be, On a Scale from 1 to 10?"

FCFF is this thing where the artist draws a sad cat and then writes beneath it the one thing the cat would have done if it could have lived ten minutes longer.

Heartless Universe is out of control. Please stay tuned.

FCFF is a thing wherein the artist draws a picture of a sad cat and then writes beneath it the one thing the cat would have done if it could have lived another ten minutes.

FCFF is where the artist draws a sad cat and then writes beneath it what the cat would have done if it could have lived ten minutes longer.

Anyway, the series is called Fancy Cats Fancy Fancy's, and when I told the boyfriend this he actually said back, "So Fancy’s is what fancy cats fancy?" Then the noise ceased to exist as a word.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, stay away from my girly magazines. This here's grown up stuff.

Here's a commercial break: I worked on this thing for months, and it's finally ready to sell! Check out my Etsy store to look at these hand drawn Tobias Funke Window Cling Fashion Dolls up close! Intrigued? What if I told you that it comes with more than 65 pieces? Would that get you to click on the link? What if I told you that I've been coughing up blood for a week? No? Just the first thing then.

Update: Now that pot is legal in Washington and Colorado I'd like to see this cartoon brought back on the air, since it is no longer offensive to children.

The day I remember Father's Day within two weeks of its actual date is the day I'm no longer an alcoholic with daddy issues.

Here's some Arrested Development fan art you would like to buy from me: store