Since it’s so hard for people to wrap their heads around asexuals being anything other than sexless beings with no libidos…
I want you to think of being hungry. I want you to think of your appetite. I want you to think of cravings.
Your libido going off, is like being hungry. Your current mood for sex, is like your current appetite. Your cravings, are people you’re sexually attracted to.
You can be hungry and have no appetite. You can have an appetite, but not be hungry. You can be hungry and have an appetite, but have no cravings. I’m sure most people can relate to experiencing a combination of these factors.
Most of the time, when you’re hungry, that hunger is often paired with appetite and cravings. You’re hungry, you want to eat something, you want to eat something in specific.
Libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction typically works the same way. You’re horny, you want to have sex, you want to have sex with someone in particular.
When I say “want,” I mean “want.” Not no “I’ll go along with my partner cuz it’ll make them happy” or, “I’m comfortable enough with this person to do it,” or “I’m sensually/romantically/aesthetically attracted to this person and they’re willing so I’ll do it.”
Those reasons would be the equivalent of eating a food a partner made because it’ll make them happy. Simply eating something that’s already in front of you. Eating something you don’t mind eating even though you’re not in the mood for it. That’s not a craving. That’s settling.
When your libido goes off, and you’re in the mood for sex, but there’s no one you’re sexually attracted to? You might settle for sex with whoever is available. That might sound depressing to some allos, but imagine never craving any foods in particular. Are you just going to, sit there and starve because you have no cravings? Are you going to ignore your mood to eat? No. You’re still going to eat something because you want your stomach to stop growling. Or maybe you just want to eat for the sake of eating. So you pick the best option available. And since you’re never craving anything, you’re never “missing out” on anything. It’s not like, wanting pizza but everyone around you wants steak so you have to settle for steak while wishing you were having pizza instead. It’s simply, there’s nothing specific you want but everyone else wants steak so you all go to Outback Steakhouse because, it’ll get the job done, even though you’re not craving it, it’s something to eat and now your hunger has been satisfied.
That right there, is how an asexual can still get horny. How an asexual can want sex. Many asexuals are only missing the sexual attraction component. That’s it that’s all that’s missing.
Graysexuals might get cravings rarely, or have very weak cravings. Demisexuals might start craving donuts if they hang around a donut shop long enough. Fraysexuals might start craving donuts but, after hanging around the donut shop, lose that craving. Aceflux is when your craving levels fluctuate. Quoisexual is when you’re not sure if you even have cravings.
And that’s what it all boils down to. Cravings.
