all of our strangeness

Showing this post to Jerry Seinfeld and he jumps off the Brooklyn bridge

look at the republican calendar and see which animal/plant/item is associated with your birthday ok. if you're born january 14 you get the day of the cat

solidarity for everyone who was born on the day of the cistern or the watering can or something like that

*lights a cigar with a match and leans back in my plush leather chair, looking out through the blinds at the city. my fuckin city.*

i bet the pain will end if i arrange a perfect enough sentence about it

my bitch wife (now ex wife) just cummed in my mouth and left forever just walked out the door and also she killed my pet termite by stomping on it too

it wasnt dead immediately I carried its broken body to a hospital where it died in the lobby because no one would take me seriously because this country has gone to the proverbial and literal dogs. swerved to hit a husky and #DogMom on my way home just to make things right you know I have to lash out at the fucked world that did this to me and alvin (my termite)

rebecca black was right. It’s Friday

REMEMEBER IF HARD WATER IS CAUSING CALCIUM BUILDUP IN YOUR BONG, JUST LET SOME WHITE VINEGAR SIT IN THAT THING FOR A FEW MINUTES AND SHE'LL BE LOOKIN BRAND NEW. JUST DONT SMOKE WEED WOTH THE VINEGAR INSIDE PLEASE

My anger at my car being totaled was powerful enough to kill Lindsay Graham

Wait what if the "brief illness" he died from was that horrible stomach bug that's apparently going around the US. I was so upset I made him shit himself to death.