Just Trying To Get Out Of My Own Way

So tomorrow, I’m going to change my health insurance so I’m covered for weight loss surgery.

I’m going to serve the 12 month waiting period with the best health fund I can find, and then I’m going to do it.

I’m tired of being tired. Tired of having no energy with the kids. Tired of always eating and never feeling full. Tired of being the fat one. Tired of being a fat mum…

Well, life has been kinda rough lately.

I was diagnosed with asthma late last year after being sick on and off for six months. The latest is that I’m currently recovering from pneumonia. For those catching up, I also have PCOS, endometriosis, and depression.

I identify as a spoonie 🥄🥄🥄

Having ongoing health challenges while looking after two toddlers and working four days a week leaves me feeling exhausted on the good days. On the bad days, I cry myself to sleep.

The biggest challenge is that it is soooo hard getting into a good routine when constantly unwell.

Anyway I’ve created a separate tumblr to try and bring a bit more focus to my thoughts around my health and weight.

Feel free to follow xx

Well that’s fine, nice for those who don’t work (like half of them) or have that day off. I obviously can’t go, because I work. But she still put a post up asking everyone to let her know whether they can make it or not.

I didn’t think my situation required an explanation, everyone knows I work four days a week including Thursdays, that’s why I never see them anymore.

But just to put the matter to bed, I put up a chirpy reply, and this was the response I got:

I feel like she’s guilting me about my reply. Is she?! Or am I reading into it too much?

Here, have a pic of the kiddos. Andre loves trucks, so Natalie loves trucks too 😍

I went to Woolies today on my lunch break and stocked up on snacks. At least this way if I forget to bring fruit from home I won’t eat crappy canteen food.

It feels like I’m on day #217 of my period, menstrual headaches and all. I miss being pregnant / breastfeeding solely for the fact that I did not have to deal with this BS. Men don’t know how easy they’ve got it. And they get the same amount of sick leave as us, it’s a fuckin’ joke. I seriously want my insides cut out.

I had to cuddle Andre to sleep tonight. He was upset and emotional, so was I. As I rocked him on my lap I just started talking, telling him how I was feeling, being more honest than I’ve been with anyone in a long time. I’ve been feeling invisible for so long; it felt nice to just be able to put the words out there. So basically my three year old is my therapist 😳😭

Guys, I’m exhausted. We’re all exhausted, aren’t we?! I see you all out there, taking on so much more than you’re supposed to, taking on too much. It’s not right, the way the burden falls to us. I don’t have a solution; I just carry on, the mental load weighing me down, unable to redistribute it.