hazelphoenix

Well. Had I been, in the right place, at the right time, I would’ve really tried with all my heart and body and soul to make it right, this one time. Sometimes you meet someone so incredibly amazing that your mind goes “it couldn’t be otherwise so don’t even try to fight it bitch” and even if you hate what you’re feeling because it’s not right, because it’s only an inconvenience, you cannot do jack shit about it.

Sometimes you only have one moment, you gotta act fast, shoot your shot and give your everything, ask someone you like out, if they accept, congrats you go on a date and see what happens next, before that moment is gone. And it’s gone, it couldn’t be otherwise, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t ask someone out not because I’m a goddamm coward, I couldn’t because I couldn’t physically fucking do it and that drives me mad. Because I would’ve done it this time, I wanted this so damn much, I never did this shit in my life but this time it made sense. I kinda did in a way, but it’s worth nothing. It’s just words, even if you mean them, you gotta back them up with real actions or they eventually become meaningless. The thought that maybe everything could’ve worked out for once but in the end it never amounted to anything cause bad timing and space and me being a fucking weirdo begged to differ is a fucking mood killer and I’m constantly angry because it feels like life is taking the piss out of me.

You meet someone special, very special, and it feels like you can actually achieve something, but everything goes to shit, for several reasons. And for some reason, I can’t seem to let this go cause I wanted my chance, the one I never got in years and in my head I’m 80% sure it’s partly my fault somehow for fucking it up. 20% out of my control. 100% a real fucking mess.

In the end, it turned out slightly different than the original sketch I had made but it was for the best. When I turned up at my appointment, my tattoo artist said “give me 15 minutes. I’ll draw something and get back to you”. When she came back, I was speechless.

Without further ado, lemme proceed with the real deal: