I Only *Think* I'm Crafty

He immediately falls for a phone scam and from basically little garden to rainbase he doesn’t even know the strawhats are alive (and clowning towards him at incredible speed). As soon as he does, they’re in his house tearing at his walls and bringing marines into his villain lair.

He uses a literal floor trap door over a gator pit to catch them, gets phone scammed again, full scooby-doo chase scenes after Chopper through the streets while still missing him, and suddenly his prisoners have escaped his impossible cage, and his giant bananagators are dead. and Nico Robin saw it all happen.

He then spends rest of the arc complaining about those meddling kids and their dog “strawhat pirates and their weird pet” and at no point does he even know how many strawhats there are.

Like yeah he keeps having plans on top of plans to stop everything Vivi can do but also she keeps coming up with a new thing to do (Tom and Jerry ass dynamic).

Part of it is that he’s underestimating them and keeps grandstanding villain monologuing but also teens keep killing hundreds of his grand line bounty hunters and he straight up does not know what is happening.

ok but i’m gonna run out of funny pictures soon

@seananmcguire

Happy new year to you both :)

Chicken Spinach Cheese Lasagna:

Ingredients:

1/2 Cup Onion, chopped

1/2 Cup sliced mushrooms

1 Cup Riotta Cheese

1 Cup Cottage Cheese

1/2 Cup butter

2 or more cloves of garlic

1/2 cup flour

1 tsp salt

1/2 cup chicken broth

1/2 cup milk

2 cups shredded mozzerella

1/2 cup parmesan

1 tsp basil

1/2 tsp oregano

2 tsp aniseed

3-4 cups cooked chicken

2 pkgs frozen spinach, thawed and drained

Lasagna noodles (either oven ready or ones you precook before assembly)

Directions: Saute onions and mushrooms in about a tablespoon of butter until cooked and set aside.

Stir Ricotta and Cottage cheeses together and set aside.

Heat the butter and stir in the garlic while melting, then create a roux by mixing in salt and flour. Add in chicken broth and milk, then stir until thickened into a sauce-like consistency.

Remove sauce from heat, then stir in the mozzarella, parmesan, the onion/mushroom mix, and all the spices until cheese is melted.

Assembly:

Layer ingredients in this order until you run out: sauce, lasagna noodles, ricotta/cottage cheese mix, spinach, chicken.

Start and end with the Sauce, then top with about another 1/2 cup parmesan.

Bake:

Bake at 350F for 45 minutes, then rest 10 minutes before serving.

fill your bathtub with water before the power goes out. in an emergency where the pipes freeze, you'll have semi-clean water. you can use this water for your pets, to wash dishes, flush your toilet, and other small important stuff. if you have no bathtub, fill as large a bin/pot/etc as you can find.

air is the best insulator. if you can tape plastic over your windows and major drafts, it will genuinely help. (they have kits for it, but i've used trash bags and duct tape). blankets/tarps/etc also work. leave space between the covering and the window - the layer of air protects you. shove towels under your doors.

in a true emergency, you can ball up newspapers and shove them into your coats/pants/etc between your base layer and your coat. it won't be comfortable but it does insulate a little better.

have an emergency plan for your pets, particularly animals like reptiles that need constant heat to survive.

the weight of the snow and ice will be an issue. plan accordingly.

black ice is a bitch. if it looks "wet", assume it is frozen. actually just assume everything is frozen for a little while.

if you do not have a generator or other emergency power source, DO NOT bring outside-use heat sources (like propane stoves) inside. you can gas yourself and die.

instead, if you truly have no heat source: focus on insulating a small amount of space in your house - a few rooms - and bring as many bodies and supplies in there as possible. do not break insulation if you can avoid it. you are a ~100-degree object. make your safe space into a blanket fort. you may go stircrazy but it is better than freezing.

if you have a fireplace you never use, check the flue and the chimney before the storm holy shit. i am not kidding about this. do not just start a fire willy nilly. you will burn your house down.

relatedly, if you start a fire and notice smoke is billowing back into the house: stop the fire immediately. your flue is closed or your chimney is backed up. you will burn your house down.

keep the fridge closed as long as possible; it lets the air out. but honestly like, my family has used snow as a fridge a lot. stuff that needs to stay cool will be less of an issue than things that need to get warm. plan accordingly.

most canned things can be eaten cold, but check the label. if you have a little sterno fire, it can go a long way.

if you develop a headache and feel weirdly sleepy, you may be forced to open a window. you might have carbon monoxide poisoning.

every year people die while shoveling snow. it is actually not very safe as a chore tbh. you need to go slow and take lots of breaks. you should also 100% wait until the snow has actually passed, only because when it starts shifting and undoes all your work, it will piss you the hell off.

have drinking water somewhere easily accessible. a lot more of it than you think completely necessary tbh.

fill your gas tank. it will help prevent your lines from freezing.

if you have a battery-powered light that's not very strong, put it under a water jug, it'll throw more light. idk why it works but it works.

just because you know how to drive in the snow doesn't mean other people know how to drive in the snow. better to just not.

your device probably has a "low power mode". probably best to just keep it on asap rather than be taken by surprise tbh. the battery will last longer.

great news to fanfiction writers: it really is better if y'all take one bed and huddle together for warmth. do not strip out of your clothes, though, i have no idea who the hell decided that was the smart thing to do. you want to keep at least a layer of leggings and a tight shirt on. the goal is to find the fine line between "warm" and "sweating" - you want to stay as dry as possible for as long as possible.

your hair, eyelashes, and nosehairs can freeze. just from personal experience: try not to rub or touch them, it can snap your hair off and then you'll be very sad.

hypothermia is a lot faster and more evil than most people expect. watch for shivering, confusion, and unexplained exhaustion. if someone stops shivering, that is not always a good sign. if you think you/someone you love has hypothermia, warm them up slowly. often this is through rubbing/friction (or a heat source if available). keep them awake and try to feed them something.

same for frostbite: don't just shove your hands into a fire. warm any affected area slowly. fair warning, as the blood recirculates, it will hurt :(

those blue rubber examination gloves under other gloves can help even very-cold hands stay warm.

liquor is not a good idea to drink right now, sorry beloved. but vodka/rubbing alcohol does work as an excellent de-icer if you need something small done quickly (like a lock/door handle). it's just, like, expensive in comparison to other things lol

"i don't eat that much anyway i'll be fine" that's the devil talking. you will not be. you will also probably be burning way more calories than normal. let the soft animal of your body eat a bunch of delicious snacks.

and we will say "When I was YOUR age, fruits and vegetables came from a supermarket and they were bred to get shipped 1000 miles in a truck and sit on shelves for weeks, and they tasted so sour and watery it was like eating paper compared to these ones. It wasn't even legal in some places to grow your own food"

and they will roll their eyes like yeah yeah just because everything was miserable in the 20s doesn't mean I have to have a smile on my face standing in the hot sun while you listen to that one guy talk about his bees FOREVER

And many other people have been just spitting, foaming at the mouth fucking FURIOUS. How dare I have the audacity to imagine a future where things get better?

Don't I know how BAD things are? Am I not aware of the TERROR and DEVASTATION of climate change and fascism and biodiversity loss? How dare someone be so bold, so callous, as to imagine something other than misery and suicide. How dare someone suggest it will get better. How dare a person propose that there is a future where we will be okay, in the face of so much terror. Hasn't she seen the abyss opening its jaws before us?

Well? What do you think?