Whap.

That was the correct thing to say.

the Aztechnology executive slams his desk. "Who is this hacker? Who could break our security?!" "We...we don't know, sir." his CorpSec captain shifts uncomfortably. "All we could find is his calling card. According to that, he's...he's known as The A55M4N." he coughs. "The Assman? Is that what you just said to me?" "No sir, The A55M4N. There's numbers." The executive's eyes practically pop of his head. "Find me this Assman, captain. Find me this Assman if you have to burn down all of Seattle."

when i was 13 i made up a group of ocs who were gifted the ability to teleport but with caveats that made it really irritating for them and everyone else. i can’t remember all of them but two. one of them could only pass from place to place through water. they could jump into something as small as a cup of tea and come out the other side through a puddle or something but notably they did get wet. so any time they teleported anywhere they arrived soaking wet. they had to go everywhere with a waterproof paddling bag as a purse. the other could only teleport between occupied bathrooms. any bathroom in the world was fine but it had to be in use. they could just ask a friend to go in first and cheat it that way but in an emergency they’d just have to barge in on someone with their eyes closed and yell “SORRY! SORRY!” and disappear immediately from existence.

this is kinda how i feel all the time

you have to call someone now

SOUND ON DEAR GOD

the bank thing