being involved in a fandom rn is so bleak to me. i don't totally throw in the towel because i've found really cool people and made good friends and within that niche, fandom participation is a fun and silly and low stakes way to make stuff and socialize. but beyond that bubble oh my god it's so fucking dire. i don't think it's just the arcane fandom that's like this because i do think broadly people's attitudes towards fandom has changed a lot since the covid lockdown + the general fucked up chaos and destruction and rise in fascism happening beyond that pickling people's brains. like not to be incredibly cynical, but it often does actually feel really pointless to me to both put in the effort it takes for me to write and share that writing with anyone i haven't already vetted to myself. unless (part of) the purpose of what i'm writing is to cudgel people over the head which IS a large part of the reason why i'm writing this abortion au. not a mystery i don't think lol.