hello

confession: when i was in high school my best friend used to steal a ton of clothes from the busted-ass target in town and then walk across the street and sell them at plato’s closet and she called it her job. i’d be like “where are you?” and she’d be like “at work” and i’d know she was just robbing a target blind lmao 

Yesterday night a lady came through our drive through and was like “the way the planets are aligning and the fact that we’re getting a blood moon has me worried. I sense severe werewolf activities on the horizon. You better walk your coworker to her car tonight after you’ve closed” and I didn’t even know what to say I was just like “yes ma’am”

You heard that and just went <END DIALOGUE>

clownfish be like "i know a spot" and take you to a fucking deadly sea organism

This post would’ve been a lot better if you didn’t say the f word. Grow up.

is there a reason for this? like is this part of a strike or something im not aware of? 

Ralph, pick a number between 1 and 10

four of course because it’s my lucky number

Good cause that’s your IQ

happy anniversary to the post that ruined my life

Her name was Neerja Bhanot, and she’s credited with saving 360 lives.  She alerted the pilots of the terrorists and they escaped, so the plane couldn’t take off.  She hid passports to save Americans, the terrorists’ primary targets.  After 17 hours, the terrorists opened fire, and she lost her life when she used her body to shield children from the bullets.  She is a hero, and I’m all for people recognizing her.

my econ teacher has been trying to teach about scarcity by having a limited amount of graph paper available for students who don’t have any (she has the last few pages in a pad and when it’s gone, it’s gone) but it’s very undercut by the fact that i have a whole pad and i’ll let people have a piece whenever they need it

she’s teaching scarcity, you’re teaching the value of sharing a resource when you have enough to spare

YES EXACTLY!!!!!

She's also the person that creates the need for the paper for assignments in the first place

Local Teacher Accidentally Teaches Students How To Resist Capitalism

the idea of being married is so weird like what if I’m having a sad moment late at night and I wanna cry in bed and then there’s just some guy there??

BIG BOY