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phantomofthehoepera

I want the record to state I have never been this hard in my entire life

were--ralph

I need the werewolves to be hot for once in my lifetime

ilyapasta

No one is doing it like Ilya Rozanov. He’s in a gladiator costume. He sent the rookies home from his party because he’s depressed. His boyfriend drove two hours with a butt plug in because Ilya looks hot in that gladiator costume and Hayden Pike called him a prude and that bothers him. Shane said I’m a freak and I need my boyfriend to know that, but Ilya can’t stop crying thinking about Shane. Ilya is looking down at his plugged up boyfriend giving him a bj under the gladiator skirt and he’s got tears in his eyes. He’s alarmed by the tears in his eyes and responds by fucking Shane nearly upside down on the couch like an inversion table. He’s doing fine. Maybe he should think about therapy.

$fractally blog's avatar$

fractally

Sometimes people say that Ilya’s characterization changes dramatically from HR to TLG but I think it’s more like the “expectation / reality” frame from 50 Days of Summer. We spend most of HR in Shane’s head perceiving Ilya as the coolest hottest man alive and the minute we hop into Ilya’s head it’s like oh. Oh no this man is sticking a fork into his toaster

ilyapasta

Ilya heard you must feel that you are abandoned by god to be a good top and said ah well yes and then never thought any deeper about it

reheatedrivalri

wonderful tags @butimaficwriter

ilyapasta

Not only are these A+ funny tags @butimaficwriter but yes! Ilya asks him to turn around and starts doing everything from behind but Shane actually says “I want to see you” and turns on his back but with the couch he’s still in the weird upside down position (hence my reference to an inversion table) so Ilya is still not letting him in. Still not letting shane see him. And Ilya keeps thinking about how he just wants to fuck Shane forever, stay inside him forever, but it points to how Ilya is using sex to avoid talking just as much as Shane. Ilya could stop at any moment and be like “actually I’m really struggling” but his depressed ass needs dopamine! Needs to feel the rush needs to feel the big feelings needs to feel washed and drenched in love because otherwise he’ll have to talk about the small feelings: self worth, loneliness, delayed grief, and his fear of loss.

And when he unravels in the morning as Shane is pulling out of the driveway he’s forced to feel all those delayed feelings all at once.

ileolai

some silly thing i scribbled in 2 seconds after reading this artical

ariaste

having just visited Pompeii last October, let me tell you something. You cannot swing a cat in that place without hitting a takeout counter. they’re fucking EVERYWHERE. Your fantasy novels are severely underestimating the sheer availability of takeout

cow-inthe-closet

friend whos always planning everything: hey guys lets do something this week!! when are you all available?

friend whos always available: i can do whenever

friend whos constantly busy: im sorry i have work and then school and then the labyrinth and then more work :( i can do tuesday at 3:00 am for five minutes tho

friend with the randomly generated sleep schedule: (no response)

friend who went missing in the woods behind their house 12 years ago and hasn't been heard from since: (no response)

friend whos really into genshin impact: does anyone want to play genshin impact

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viralfrog

seasononesam

10x13 // 13x19 // 15x10

inkandguns

lillytheaspie

sobsicle

i’m sorry i got carried away and humped your leg until i came while we were kissing

gimmiekiss1221

thethirdromana

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

thethirdromana

#the overachiever: make this very time consuming ingredient from scratch even though it'll end up tasting worse than store bought

Amen to this @akasanata. "Now make your puff pastry from scratch". How about no❤️

seananmcguire

I have a fabulous lasagna recipe that calls for either make your own marinara or Classico (brand name specific because the flavor profile is known + it's gluten-free).

Guess which one I always opt for.

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fuckrozanov

goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day

virginshane

imagine ilya’s delight and shock seeing how much shane loves taking cock. watching him discover that. man was astonished

virginshane

and sweetie shaney had no idea he would love it so much ”holy shit, rozy” he was so shocked!!!!!

lavenderprose

Nothing will ever beat that shot of Ilya heading towards the door to let Shane into his house in Boston. Like:

- Shoulders. Back. Arms. 🫪 (Yeah this is the horny balloon emoji again for those who can't see.)

- Fixing the hair? Soooo casual. So nonchalant. Doesn't care at all.

- Imagine answering the door shirtless in October and that just being a casual choice you're making with no ulterior motive at all. Happened to my best good friend Ilya Rozanov

- The Rick Owens haunt the narrative

- Moles.

- Literally he is serving and for what. Shane walks in the door like "Wattup you know who built this place" and has to be redirected like a distracted dog.

- He is trying to be so cool and casual and nonchalant. He's so chill and cool and nonchalant in fact that he breaks a personal fucking record for how long it takes him to get Shane's legs around him. (42 seconds. I counted.)

- Starting to think that Shane has Doritos at the Cottage because he's being fully sublimated into it by Ilya's shoulder to waist ratio. Like it is that serious.

- He's literally prowling I do not know what else to say. Shane should feel fucking hunted the minute that door opens and all he does is go "Okay 🥰" like he never. Stood. A. Chance.

hollanovs-ilya

I need... What? You know. Tell me. You. I need you.

doriangraysrockcollection

i must say, i am a huge fan of when a book is in the middle of a very exciting plot containing many interesting problems when out of nowhere for a few pages it's like, "hey by the way, real quick, here's a detailed explanation of the city's water filtration system! i'm telling you this for a reason and you should worry about it. anyway! haha okay back to the plot" and you just get to be Scared for a while

doriangraysrockcollection

i am kissing you on the mouth right now

you are the only person who understands me. you and the person who tagged a series of unfortunate events

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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knownqueerbaiter

hollanov are constantly doing full sheet changes after sex in fic. i’m gonna be honest with u guys i don’t think they’re doing that

pookieshane

favorite hollanov kisses 29/??

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