rising from the ashes

if you could have one long-time otp wildly go canon before your disbelieving eyes (er, regardless of quality of said canon, i guess), which would you pick???

clothes hanger

I ordered a couple of bookcases two weeks ago, and since then every single ad I see online has been nothing but trying to sell me more bookcases. Exactly how many bookcases do you think I need?

even Patches would call this too much

the bald devil

I’m calling the police

this is just par for the course in dark souls tbh, anyone dumb enough to set a single foot on that bridge instead of taking the alternate path deserves that free trip to the lake below

no offense but I heard the evil scientist say he likes studying me better than you

Then why’s he up all night diluting my saliva? Check and mate.

well IM getting moved to a separate chamber tonight so he can keep an eye on me. What about that?

Please, he hasn’t even probed your mind yet. Besides, yesterday he told me that my blood diagnostics were, “abnormal” and “potentially hazardous”. How could you possibly compete with that?

*telekinesis throws a soda can at your head* 

How dare you!!! Evil Scientist!!! Evil Scientist they’re resorting to violence!!! I do not feel very enriched right now!!! I need a bandage and an IV of juice!!!

this is exactly the behavior i’m talking about. You still need juice rewards and screens. I have evolved past these childish activities, I am a model experiment

*sounds of an evil scientist hurriedly scribbling down notes*

“Mixologist” shut the fuck up, say boozewizard like a fucking adult

Love that in a lot of classic literature people just “randomly” fall ill but bro their homes were stacked to the roof with arsenic and asbestos and lead and radium of course they were sick all the time.

And then they’re like “we took my ill wife to the seaside and her condition improved remarkably” and it’s like Edward your house has seven time bombs in it please just leave your wife at the seaside and she’ll do very well not getting mesothelioma.

Edward your wife may be entitled to financial compensation