biblically accurate rodrick heffley

Heinz Doofenshmirtz is the character of all time. I'm almost inclined to ask "What's his fucking PROBLEM???" but he thoroughly explains his problem in every episode

Me for the last 15 years: im a bit burnt out rn but im sure next week will be different

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.

happy pride to sophie foster who always has something to say about how pretty biana’s glossy lips are or how cute linh looks blushing or how cool marellas hair is #iknowhatyouare

this too shall pass but the fuck was that for

age regressing by 5 minutes so i can remember what i was just asked to do

i’m so glad that iwtv is brave enough to show real queer joy in these times— nobody dies of aids, no queerbaiting, just happy, escapist media about gay people in incestuous relationships with their transmasc mothers, gay people beating up and murdering each other, and the queer joy of finally allowing yourself to be a drug addled rock star haunted by your past

Everyone is bloomscrolling in my beautiful internet garden

“make friends” who am i doctor franking stein

I love jaywalking with another pedestrian lol we’re unionized

shipping a consensual, safe & sane pairing all the while i'm shaking my head in disapproval so the audience knows i still love wildly toxic abusive fictional dynamics

I think the only reason I’d want to be famous is so people can develop a parasocial relationship with me and love and adore me and laugh at my jokes and speculate my sexuality and also diagnose me with Autism