The Gremlin Bard

i had a really rough night last night, and while i did end up on pro-eating disorder sides of the internet and reactivated an old twitter account i'd made in high school to document my eating disorder.. not my proudest moment, but

i successfully avoided a self-harm relapse.

it was hard, and i cried A LOT. it wasnt pretty. it took a lot out of me. but when i woke up today, i was one day closer to 2 years clean.

if anyone reads this, and is struggling in a similar way to what i was going through last night, youre not alone. mental health support hotlines exist for moments like that, when you feel like you cant talk to anyone you know. ive called and texted them in the past. theyve kept me here when it felt like nothing else could.

you are loved and appreciated, even if you dont see it right now. i may not know you personally, and i may never know you, but i care about you and i want the best for you. i know how painful depressive spirals and self-harm relapses can be. but things do get better, and if you need proof, just look at me, and look at how far you have come.

whether youre an hour, a day, a year, or more clean from self-harm, eating disorder behaviours, or addictions, you have come so far. and im proud of you.

recovery isnt linear. there's no shame in having to start again. relapse isnt failure, it's proof that youre getting stronger every time.

i believe in you. youre not alone