Held a sample of cloth I recieved from a foreign trader up to a candles flame to verify its material and check its quality, yet instead of burning or melting it remained inert, accepting the heat as iron might, and burned my hand quite badly

i'm really thrilled about the resurgence of bad luck brian memes but when i tried to make one i sat there staring at the canvas like an apprentice surrounded by his master's work and i was unable to pick up the brush

This is what Wes Streeting wants for the NHS

@newporters

yo yo wait that reminds me of something really funny i saw once, hold on--(you watch me open my phone browser and manually and correctly type the entire url of a specific tumblr post)

ladyless knight who keeps pulling out his sword and holding it to his neck as a "joke" freaking out his squires and shit. sitting alone in his castle on a saturday night pounding flagon after flagon of mead then staring at the wall with his sword in his mouth crying for a few hours until he falls asleep

longbowman sends out a bunch of couriers to his friends at 3 in the morning bearing the message "this time I'm gonna do it for real" and goes out to the field points his bow straight up in the air. fires an arrow up and just stands there waiting for it to come back down

i jus be havin sex on the computer straight up lol (stalactite detaches from cave ceiling and impales me through the head)