♡

ana’s sincerity catches fallon off guard. she falters ever so slightly but manages a quick recovery, letting out a scoff. “and victor can’t take care of himself?” she’s acutely aware of how hypocritical she sounds when she’s only having this conversation on easy’s behalf. fallon presses on. “if he gets involved with easy, he knows what he’s getting himself into.” at best, it’s a flimsy evaluation. she doesn’t know details, doesn’t know how or when things started, if it’s a relationship or something less defined. seeing as it isn’t her or ana’s or anyone else’s business, it doesn’t matter anyway. “just,” she pauses, eyes flitting away from ana’s gaze as she considers what she wants to say next. every coherent thought flies out of her head. despite fallon’s penchant for staring and observing other people, being on the receiving end has always caused her unease. for her, being seen often feels the same as being caught.  and then, like a fog lifting, something occurs to fallon. “you won’t say anything.” she says, like she’s decided for ana. fallon’s pretty sure ana already made that call herself, since easy’s not the only one who’ll get hurt if she does tell anyone. even now, they’re both standing in front of each other to look out for their respective people. it’s strange to think that she and ana could be aligned in any regard.

ana waits and listens. she’s eager to hear what fallon has to say. she’s tried so many times since moving back to colossal to befriend her, but it’s never worked. she had followed easy around as kids and now she's practically doing the same with fallon. isn't it ironic that those two are the closest of friends? maybe she hasn’t always been the kindest to them, though she did always mean well. it’s been a difficult challenge to prove that to be the case. and yet as fallon continues, ana wonders if this could possibly be the progress she's pushes relentlessly for. fallon decides ana won't tell easy’s secret— could this also mean she doesn’t think the total worst of her? is there a chance for friendship? “of course i won’t say anything, fallon,” she shrugs, as if it’s been obvious from the start. “me and easy aren't friends, but i wouldn’t do that to him. or anyone.” ana adds the last part for good measure, hoping it’ll help solidify the type of person she is. there's another long pause before she finally pulls her eyes away from fallon, a small smirk appearing on her lips. she turns her head, suddenly reminded of why she was in this room to begin with. “will you help me carry more bottles out there?”

Merritt stirs her straw around her watery drink. "And I agree. Something is totally afoot."

merritt is a babbler, sure. yet when you take the time to digest what it is she’s saying, you can see just how insightful she truly is. she’s a loyal friend despite her brother's (lack of?) relationships and she took the time to notice ana’s clear pain due to parker’s move. she takes a beat to appreciate merritt’s touch, which ultimately turns to resentment towards shane when he becomes the reason she pulls away.  however, ana understands where she's coming from. it’s nice to be around other people with the same interests, or even people who are willing to entertain your special interest when they don’t exactly care for it themselves. she’s never had that on a romantic level. in her last relationship, they only ever did what he wanted to do and when she’d complain he’d threaten to leave her. unfortunately, she desperately needed someone in her corner while being far from home, so she dealt with it. miserably. “well, it’s too bad it’s him that something is afoot with but i don’t know…” ana leans back in her chair, eyebrows raised, “i can kinda see it working. you’re both cute and when you live together, one day can feel like one week. you can't avoid a connection that’s begging to happen.” she may regret her next few words, though she follows through with her thought, “all you have to do now is to find a distraction for milo.”

her question wasn’t even about noa. or, it wasn’t entirely about noa, as her and noa aren't together. what, or who, he doesn’t isn’t her problem. what it was actually about is her breakup induced desire to punish anyone with personal affection for any member of 2nd heaven. (and it certainly doesn’t hurt that despite ana being obviously gorgeous, logan isn’t stupid enough to think noa would be interested in her.) still, she doesn’t argue, accepting ana’s denial and letting her swipe the can from her grasp.  logan’s eyebrows raise with ana’s news. “did you?” she asks with a grin. it’s a pleasant surprise. while logan doesn’t know ana well, she’s developed an unexpected fondness for her. part of that fondness stems from logan assuming ana has set her standards so high because she’s a prude and being endeared by these perceived qualities, but she’ll happily trade that for some juicy gossip. “with who? and was it any good?”

“noa,” she manages to keep a straight face yet avoids making eye contact with logan. eventually, ana looks up and breaks, chuckling at her own joke. it’s funny because it’s so outlandish. noa isn’t on her radar, not like that. he's famous for his singing voice and his ability to piss her off, which she assumes logan would understand better than anyone else. however, ana does appreciate having another person who is watching out for victor. so, he does have that going for him. “no, it was someone i met at jukebox last week and it was terrible,” she takes a quick sip of the redbull before placing it down, ready to fully immerse herself into the story. “he was already a boring date, but then an hour went by and we ran into his girlfriend.” ana's whole body shudders, remembering how awkward and uncomfortable the situation was. it doesn't get much worse than that. “safe to say he isn’t the one. and neither was the guy from last week, or three weeks ago… ugh, all these men suck. are you sure you want to be single again?”

ana is in the middle of a conversation with jodi when pippa approaches her. they were discussing tonight’s events at fight club, so it’s only appropriate that they get interrupted by a member of 2nd heaven. “what? no—” her brows raise at the question, “i’m out here to promote your show.” ana’s eyes move down to notice skates in their hand. this seems a little unfair. “but, if you’re going to go out there and leave me to do all the work, you should at least buy me a hot chocolate.”

it’s not a surprise to see ana behind the bar between the opener’s set and 2nd heaven. her drink running is a term of her free entry to shows, but it seems like ana’s bar-tending is even more half-assed than usual tonight. not that logan cares; as far as she’s concerned, they can come to the bar if if they wants a drink. but it does make the cramped space even more crowded. one hand drops to ana’s waist to announce her presence behind her, and it slides across the small of her back as she slips past her to grab a redbull.  logan hasn’t seen monty in a second, so she pours a shot into her cup before emptying half the redbull into it. she holds the can out to ana in offering. “wait,” her eyes narrow slightly as she pulls back slightly. “first tell me you’re not a groupie.”

ana can’t offer much assistance. her knowledge behind the bar only goes as far as pouring beer from the tap, water from the fountain, and mixing a few basic drinks. and yet, you won't hear her complaining since she’s able to sneak a few for herself in the process. logan’s touch is unexpected when it reaches her back. nonetheless, ana follows its implied direction. she stops swaying to the music long enough to allow logan the space she needs before reaching across the counter again for empty cups. by the second song, everyone is settled in. the band has the audience’s full attention and the bar line's died down. ana is placing the dirty dishes in the bar sink when logan is (almost?) passing her a redbull. “a 2nd heaven groupie? are you drunk already?” the music is great, she’ll proudly admit it. but, the last thing she’s ever felt is the desire to follow around the band members in order to sleep with them.  “oh, come on,” ana rolls her eyes, deciphering the real question that’s written between the lines, “noa and my’s good is about the same as his and your’s bad… without the sex, obviously— i’ll take that, thank you—” she does a terrible job hiding her smile as she snatches the can from logan’s hand. “you don't have to worry about me. i had a date last night.”

for all the ups and downs they’ve seen each other through, easy’s always known how to take care of himself. even the situation at hand doesn’t need fallon’s intervention (if anything, it only makes things even more messy), but it’s different with this. it’s hard to throw easy; normally, he’s so sure of himself, so willing to share every part of himself with her. she wants his whole life to be like that— easy, just like his name.  she’s probably not the person who could do that for him though. still, she’ll make her best attempt. fallon doesn’t have a card to play but as a rule, she doesn’t beg so the idea of admitting defeat makes her chest hurt. ana is a formidable match; she’s always known how to strike where it hurts most. she raises her chin, refusing to shrink back from the other. “sure. do whatever you like.” her lips press together in a thin line. “anyway, that’s my mistake. i forgot you never cared much for anyone else’s feelings.” it’s not what she wants to say. what she wants to say dies in her throat.

“i care about—!” ana cuts herself off, suddenly reminded there are other people outside of this room. she doesn’t need the wrong person hearing, so she lowers her voice a few octaves before continuing, “i care about people's feelings. that’s why i gave easy such a hard time.” for the sake of being honest, ana drops her defense. her shoulders relaxing with a slow exhale, “i don’t want victor to be let down when easy decides to move on to the next person. there’s always a next person.” as she spoke, ana examined fallon’s demeanor. she looked a bit different than usual— that’s sort of been the trend for tonight. more confident, no longer the girl she thought she knew. there’s a chance that seeing fallon at a party could change ana’s opinion of her. it's a rare sight. and there’s also a chance something is left unsaid between them, which she can sense. of course, ana is too curious for her own good. “no, go ahead. say what you were going to say…” she offers, impressed by the way fallon has stepped up and confronted ana. she’s may just be acting on her selfishness, finding this side of fallon interesting and wishing for more. but, ana thinks it would be beneficial to give her an opportunity to be a friend to easy. she would do the same if victor was on the opposite end. and wasn’t that the catalyst for this exchange in the first place?

the expression on ana’s face screams duh! mila and ana are best friends. they tell each other things. well, apparently not everything. ana's been protecting easy's secret. mila's hid a hook up, relationship problems, and maybe even more. lately, it seems like they're making up rules for their friendship as they go. they're messy and fueled by intense emotions. and the worst part is, the person ana would usually run and cry to, is the one she's having these issues with. who do you go to for advice when it's your best friend hurting you? she doesn’t really understand why she’s so caught up on this anger. ana and victor talked, they came to a conclusion and their friendship is solid. mila is single, she can do what she wants with whoever she wants. if ana truly considers their situation, it made sense mila hooked up with easy— she didn’t need serious while going through a divorce. easy is the least serious person they know. and he does have a point, easy would only kiss mila if he had her consent. still, the idea of them together is infuriating. ana could dig a little deeper into her feelings, dissect whatever it is that’s happening inside her head. yet, her attention is pulled elsewhere when she hears easy’s proposal. it’s what she’s always hoped from him— an olive branch. but, what he’s offering isn’t exactly ana’s specialty. “i don’t like movies,” she scrunches her nose up in disgust, “and you want me to star in yours? me, ana grant? wouldn’t we be together for, like, hours? every day?” the answer is an immediate yes. she is a star and the attention that comes along with it is an incredibly nice added bonus. she just noticed how easy is nervously fidgeting with his camera and has to tease him before fully giving in. ana excitedly bounces on her heels, “aw, easy, are you asking to hang out with me?”

it’s hard to know how to take ana’s reaction. as much as mila appreciates her loyalty, sometimes it feels so unearned. does ana’s devotion leave her blinded to mila’s flaws? is mila going to the wrong person for this? is there anyone that would be honest with her? does she even want honesty, or is the ideal outcome complete absolution, no matter her crimes? as ana straightens, mila sits back up, tucking her knees into her chest and resting her chin on top of them. she chews on her lip, unable to look ana in the eye. “i kissed easy. when we were snowed in at the strip.” and that’s all she says, she doesn’t share the whole truth about what happened between her and easy, and she certainly doesn’t say that the reason she thinks she’s a bad person is because she can’t find it within herself to regret anything with easy. maybe on day mila will tell ana everything — maybe she’ll even do it tonight — but for now, she has to see how ana reacts to even a fraction of the truth. for all mila knows, this is more than enough for ana to reevaluate her opinion on her. immediately, she realizes she's not the only one impacted by this. “but please don’t say anything," she tacks on. "to anyone. easy’s friendly with milo, and i don’t want him to know anyone knows; i don’t want him to have to worry about anyone else finding out and it spreading.”

at first, ana thinks mila is joking. the only rational explanation is mila found out about ana and easy’s conversation at the party and she’s attempting to make light of the situation. there’s an extremely long pause after the news breaks— ana waiting in anticipate for a smirk, a giggle, anything. and yet, there’s nothing. it’s quite the opposite, actually. the room is drained of all it’s good energy and that relief she felt a moment ago is short lived. apparently the loyalty ana was so proud of isn’t as unconditional as she’d like to believe. once she’s grasped the severity of the subject matter, ana’s eyes begin to sting with the threat of tears. don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. “oh my god,” she scoffs. in real time, she can feel the emotion of disappointment flip to anger. and maybe jealousy? no, there's no cause to be jealous. she's mad and that's it. easy put her through the wringer with victor, leaving their discussion concerned she went too far. it shouldn't be her place to tell him to stay away from her friend. but, he heard what she said and just went straight for another, proving her right. “easy? you kissed easy? why? he sucks!” she pushes herself off the floor, frantically darting to her feet. “why would you do that? milo was there,” i was there, “what if he walked in?” what if i walked in? now that ana knows it was a possibility, she’s glad she walked in on victor and easy. if she had to stumble upon any of his hook ups that night, at least it wasn’t this one. it would have truly broken her. and if milo hears what happened, it may as well break him too. the metaphorical body of their relationship hadn't even been cold yet. ew, what is she even doing? defending milo? never in her life did ana expect mila would do something as terrible as force her to milo's side of a divorce. however, as awful as it is, she's happy to hide behind a newfound sympathy for milo. she can also use a hatred for easy to her benefit. this is good, because then she won't have to determine the real reason as to why her stomach is in knots, why her muscles are so tense, or why her heart is beating so fast. “i’m going to throw up.”

as soon as the words leave ana’s mouth, victor hangs his head. he knows she means it. he’s not convinced he deserves to hear it. he’s not the best–not by a long shot. there are a multitude of reasons to the contrary, the most important one being that he’d been kept a secret from her. if anyone else had walked in on him and easy, he certainly wouldn’t feel this level of guilt. with most people, it was easy to write silence off as his need for privacy, to keep waters calm. his silence was the reason the life he’s spent years building in colossal has remained untouched by anything he might perceive as a threat. when ana dances over to him, he meets her grin with an unmistakable smile that falters slightly as she mentions another favor. “what you saw…” even knowing he had nothing to worry about, victor was almost grateful they didn't have a chance to speak that same night. for every question that could be asked, he had a dishonest answer. the longer he watches her dance around the store, he takes note of how these few moments of normalcy are a nice reprieve from stewing in his room or while shoveling snow from driveways. he realizes, now, that he doesn’t have excuses when it comes to ana.  victor rubs a thumb along the edge of the counter, a habit he picked up when he’s stalling. the truth sits heavy in his chest, and he hates how much he wants to keep it there. he pauses, waiting until the customers who were close by return to browsing the selections. “it’s casual. not serious. we never talk about it.” facing ana, he looks her in the eye before blurting out a foreign phrase to him, “i’m sorry for not telling you.”

ana will admit she can be a pain in the ass. like right now, for instance. she stands there with an exaggerated pout, dragging out the moment to give off the impression that she’s contemplating his apology. she isn't. she's already forgiven victor. finally, ana sighs and says, “it’s okay.” if it were anyone else, her response would be very, very different. ana is just glad she doesn’t have to fight for an i'm sorry. it's simply too difficult to stay mad at victor, especially since she’s thought it over and ended up only finding fault within herself. truthfully, this has more to do with her than victor. this past week has been quite the wake up call for her friendships. she obviously hasn’t been the best when it's come to creating safe spaces for them. ana has spent so much time crying about her current situations or crying if a situation wasn’t about her that she's rarely checked in. conversations consisted of a whole lot of her problems and never asking about their issues. unless, it benefitted her, of course. maybe it’s why victor kept his hook ups private, maybe it’s why mila didn’t speak on issues with milo, or maybe this is ana still making this about ana when it shouldn’t be. jeez, breaking old habits is hard. she cracks a soft smile and rounds the corner of the counter, “and for whatever it’s worth, you can tell me anything. if you want— because yeah, life sucks. but, you don’t have to suffer through it alone.” “though, i do have to ask,” because ana is turning a new leaf, mending those old ways. and she'd like to confirm her suspicions, prove she's right. that no one enjoys being someone's secret. “is that what you want? casual and never talking about it? be honest,” she holds up a pointer finger, warning him with no real heat behind the whispered words.

ana has been hard at work all morning. well, technically not for her job at tantrum. but, for her mutual agreement with monty stone. she spreads the word about the show tonight, she gets in for free. he might even throw in a couple drinks if she asks nicely. starting at nutcase donuts, she handed out a flyer with every order. and when the donuts ran out an hour ago, ana decided to slowly make her way to eden park. it's where all the crowds will be, perfect for getting a loose head count of who will be at fight club tonight. ana doesn't realize she's in easy's shot until it's too late. how silly, she typically spots a camera from a mile away. naturally the center of attention. “easy?” she tilts her head, feigning confusion. ana's eyebrows knit together for a second, pupils moving left to right while she scans his face. after a moment, she relaxes her face and fakes a smile— as if she's finally figured it out. “sorry, i can hardly recognize you when you’re not attached to one of my best friend’s faces.” she’s upset with easy, really upset. they didn't finish their previous conversation on the greatest of terms and it's only become worse since mila revealed the truth of what happened with them on that very same night. now, it feels like easy hooked up with mila out of spite. ana took victor from him, so he went after her other closest friend. and if she can’t trust him to treat her friend's hearts with care, then she definitely can’t trust him to be a good person. she never understood why he did it but maybe when easy built a wall between them all those years ago, he was right. ana doesn’t have the usual urge to tear it down today. she’s not even going to be nice and tell him the least he could’ve done is brushed his hair this morning. still, ana stays put. somewhat intrigued at what he could possibly offer. she sighs, “whatever. i’m listening— this better be good.”

isa nods solemnly as she listens to ana’s account of the night. what went on between mila and milo was beyond isa. the picture-perfect couple on paper. her eyebrows raise at the mention of arguing. “easy and fallon? how’d that happen?” isa frowns. she tried to think about what ana could have done to piss either of them off, but comes up short. she tries to sense if there’s something more to her friend’s words, but isa doesn’t have the capacity to think too hard about it, a mixture of inebriation and fatigue. when the question turned to her, she sighs a little. “i don’t know about well...” isa trails off as she thinks about the conversations that had occurred over the night, the lack of comfort that always came with the sharp awareness of being in colossal, a rhythm she was still trying to find. “but surprisingly, i did survive the night with little incident. i think the worst thing was getting a little too drunk, like a couple hours ago,” she said with a handwave and a laugh. “i guess i’m always just wondering if i’m doing the right thing, you know?” 

she doesn't feel like going further in depth on the easy and fallon thing. and even if ana wanted to, there's no way to explain without spilling a big secret. she wouldn't. so rather than causing extra, unnecessary drama, she answers with a simple shrug. dwelling hasn't done ana any favors in the past. it wasn't the group's first problem, it won't be their last. and she knows it's much more important to be in this moment with isa. in the end, this night has taught ana a big lesson. she is really going to have to step up her friend game. be attentive, ask questions. mila is going to need her biggest ally, victor will need all her trust, and from the sounds of it— isa could use some well deserved validation. isa is smart, there is no one else better equipped to decide what's wrong or right than she is. ana hasn't had to share unsolicited advice once since isa's been back in town and that's the biggest compliment she could ever give. “it’s so nice to see you like this. usually you’re serving the drinks, not drinking them,” which still won't stop ana from trying to get isa to drink with her while on the job, it's their new tradition. she loops her arm around her friend's and leans in a bit closer to wholeheartedly add, “and you shouldn’t doubt any choices you make. you’ve done the right thing. you’re exactly where you belong.”

"Look. Whatever, right? We were friends before they started dating, and we'll be friends after. Like, he's my brother, she's your bestie, and we're just us."

“ew, yeah, i don’t love the word penetrate,” it's downright cringe inducing. however, ana's complaining only goes as far as that because she does appreciate the enthusiasm. one of her favorite things about merritt is how animated she can be during a conversation. ana gives her the space to go as theatrical as she deems necessary. rightfully so, considering she also has quite the flair for the dramatics. for example, they’re both completely aware of the fact that they’re the loudest table at the bar and neither one cares in the slightest. ana takes a quick sip through the twirly straw and sets the drink down, using her newly free hand to hold onto merritt's even tighter. “thank you for getting it. i was worried the divorce would come between us,” and maybe this is why ana has been distant, her subconscious working overtime to keep them apart. because it definitely has nothing to do with what happened when ana and merritt went out last. she was so drunk, she barely remembers it. “i do wish parker had stayed, though. we were driving each other crazy, but i really liked having a roommate who wasn’t an annoying sister or a smelly brother,” a smile creeps onto her face. and by the way it lights up, you'd actually believe a lightbulb went on above her head, “oh— speaking of smelly and annoying roommates— how is it living with shane?”

ana’s room has always been one of the places that has felt most like home to mila. the chaos of it — clothes strewn across every surface, walls covered in posters and pictures, always new cds to find — is so ana that curling up in her bed is like a warm hug after a long day. so when ana suggested a sleepover, mila had jumped at the invitation. it’s as if ana already knew that being stuck at home alone was driving mila crazy. and ana’s room has just the effect mila had been hoping for. though it’s been a strange few weeks, just seeing matthew fox on the tv is enough to make mila feel a bit better. she’s lying on her stomach, absently flipping through a magazine when ana speaks. the question plucks at a nerve within mila, but through its humming, mila shifts, leaning over the end of the bed so she can rest her cheek on the top of ana’s head. the contact helps her relax, just a bit. “no, you don’t have to be sorry. it’s always nice to know you’re on my team.” even if milo doesn’t deserve any of ana’s ire, her loyalty is always a balm on mila’s nerves. maybe, she can’t help but think, ana would still love her even if she knew what mila did. not because she deserves it, but for loyalty's sake. “i’m okay. or, mostly okay. it’s kind of weird to have so much of my life change so quickly. but that’s fine, it’s just…” her voice trails off as she considers what exactly to tell ana. obviously, shane is off-limits, but ana is her best friend, she has to tell her something.  in the end, mila settles with the vaguest version of the truth, “i think i’m a bad person.”

it’s a relief to hear mila forgive ana, a giant weight lifted off her shoulders. mila already has so much to worry about these days that the last thing she needs is a problem with her best friend. if all other aspect of their lives are blowing up, at least they know they’ll have the other by their side— unconditionally. although, there is still a voice nagging in the back of her head. why didn’t mila express the issues in her marriage sooner? why did she hide it from ana? if there was ever a person to bask in a milo stone shit talking session, it’d be her. none of it makes sense. and she could spend the whole night ruminating, but it'd only piss her off. so, ana pushes away the thoughts, choosing to focus on the here and now. even if it's just for the time being. she can't hold it in forever. she opens her mouth, ready to finish mila’s sentence— a habit they’ve mastered after twenty years. however, the words can’t travel from brain to lips fast enough. mila’s speaking again and what she says next is a shock to ana’s system. a bad person? what does that mean? mila is perfect, admittedly more than she is. ana’s posture snaps straight, both legs folding beneath her. “you’re wrong. you’re a great person,” she’s sure of it. and yet, mila has piqued her curiosity. “why do you think that?”

"You know, I wasn't going to say anything, butttttt." Merritt pokes at one of the garnishes with the tiny straw and cocks a brow across the table. "You've been like, a total ghost lately. I feel like I missed so much from the whole basement party that, like, everyone's in a new era of their lives and I'm just like, trying to figure out what even happened."

ana holds her glass mid air, ready to tap it against merritt’s until the unwarranted milo impression causes her to completely freeze up. eyes grow wide and a slight chuckles escapes from her lips. there are those sweet, peaceful times when she's able to let herself forget merritt and milo are twins. then, there are times like these when the resemblance comes as a massive shock. and after so many drinks, ana almost considers she may be talking to milo with a really impressive wig on— that thought is enough to set off a full on fit of laughter. “never… do that… again,” she warns her friend ( who she’d prefer to keep as a friend ) in between laughs. the more merritt goes on, the more any evidence of having a good night fades from ana’s facial features. this is even a bit of a sobering moment. she’s been neglectful, too busy with the aftermath of the basement party to schedule in a hangout with merritt. ana can tell she isn’t trying to make her feel guilty, but she’s feeling it nonetheless. “you’re right, i’m sorry. i went all casper on you,” shaking her head, disappointed by her own actions. ana’s been glued to mila’s side now that she’s newly separated from her husband— also merritt’s brother. it looks like they’ve taken sides, which is just not the case at all. “it was an accident,” and it sounds like a promise because it is. “parker moved back home, so i helped her pack. victor had… this thing. reenie is testing me at work, don’t ask me why. i'm working on promoting 2nd heaven’s show next week. and mila, she…” ana’s list of reasons comes to an abrupt end, this is where it gets complicated. she shrugs, unsure how to fix it, “if you want, i'll cry and beg you to forgive me?”