Maybe I'm an Amateur

A Derived Type of Love

In high school I took Physics, And there were many rules, But the one most prominent, Was the one that reminded me of you.

They say matter can be, Neither created nor destroyed, But between the connections of our bodies and our minds, I’m not sure it still applies.

Intimate fingers have no sway, When it comes to the delicates, Stowed away inside our brains, A mushy pink, pulsating mess, Even the best of us can never fully understand.

Our love was neither created nor destroyed, But derived from a first time sight, A little summer fling, Just over a week, Not ended, but ever stronger, The longer you’re away, When little school children came to play.

No, I never believed in things, As silly as love at first sight, But I can promise, When our eyes first met, Shining and glaring with the brightness of the sun, It wasn’t a hard gaze to meet again, An attraction all but unfamiliar, I had never met such a stranger.

Physics class had taught me, Love, like all forms of unseen matter, In an unified understanding, Takes many tries, No creation of something so effortlessly right, Can be so quickly derived, But maybe this wasn’t just some first time prototype.

Maybe it wasn’t created, But always sort of there, Waiting as a novel on a shelf, Waiting to be read, Another one of those stories, Of love and death, Just to live and love again.

Even after time had past, The Big Bang, To the little microbes that once ruled the earth, To the sunflower and the slightly bigger ant, To a child born to poverty never to live past ten, A widow made from war, Broken lovers that just keep searching, Unaware of what such experiments might bring forward.

Then finally finding each other, A common knowledge formed with a glance, Memories shared we can never fully understand, Apart from how right things will be, With someone so familiar, All forms of connection coming forth so naturally.

Then together they grow old, To love and die, Just live and love again, A definition of a darling never to be destroyed, If feelings aren’t physics, Then tell me why, It has felt as our love was always there, And always to remain.

For the ones who make you want to wrap them in a blanket and also scream “JUST TALK TO SOMEONE.”

Always looks like they didn’t sleep (because they didn’t)

Talks like they’re about to say something else, but never does

Constantly touches their sleeves/jewelry/lip, like if they’re not holding something, they’ll fall apart

Laughs too easily, but it never quite reaches their eyes

Over-apologizes for things no one noticed

Craves affection but flinches when they get it

Body language = trying to take up as little space as possible

Flashes of unexpected rage, like pressure finally cracking glass

Always says “I’m fine” in a tone that screams “Please ask again”

Cries alone, then wipes their face like it’s a secret

Feels safest in chaos because stillness feels like waiting for pain

Thinks being loved means being a burden

Cannot remember the last time they were truly, fully relaxed

Keeps people at arm’s length, but is the first to drop everything if someone else needs help

I have been very easy to fool my whole life , people would take advantage of that all the time growing up . it would always upset me because people would tell me mean jokes or fake bad news and then laugh when i got sad or started crying .

it is so cruel to do this , so please don't make anyone but especially autistic people upset just to laugh in our faces , it is mean and cruel .

i don't understand tone or expression that make it clear its a joke , neither do many other autistic people .

please be mindful this april 1st ( and always ) .