fold you up like a blanket and put you away

men b like wow I’ve never met a girl who liked music before..

You obviously know nothing about men if this is what you think they say

Men will see a mouse and eat it

No they won’t because why would anyone eat a mouse that’s stupid not all men are bad and not all men are stupid you may have had a bad experience with a man but not all men are bad granted there bad men but instantly accusing all men as bad is immature I’m dating a man and he is nowhere near stupid and I know for a fact that he won’t eat a mouse and in pretty sure I could name at least five other men that won’t do something as immature as that and saying that a man will see a mouse and eat it won’t get you a anywhere with a man if anything it will drive them away.

A man will see a mouse and be like is anyone else gonna eat this and not wait for an answer

one time i went through the taco bell drive thru and when i tried to order a baja blast i said “mountain boo bah” and then i just left. couldn’t recover

a friend of mine once went to order a beefy bean and cheese burrito but ordered a “beedo beedo” instead and i think of it every time i go to taco bell

this email could have been a pawjob

doctor says im not cruel enough so i got prescribed a vial of dragon blood twice a day

The cashier at Whole Foods just treated me like the village idiot because he told me to “look for the three little lines” on the app and i was like “I’m not seeing a hamburger. I see meatballs. Is that it?” And he said “maam you are looking for Three Little Lines”

I've been melting dogs down to make this thing called dog metal

Dude frying my tendies at the raising cane's has the black nitrile gloves over the hairy forearms this is not good. Puppy's leaking. The situation in my Target boxer briefs is gonna go from Gushers to Go-Gurt real fast here. I'm so horny I deserve to have copper wire snaked through my teeth

If the backrooms post can get a movie then so can this

Ponder like an uncle but post with a nephews spirit

COME BACK