and Miles to go before I sleep

Been so triggered this weekend there are littles and protectors everywhere. We are deeply struggling to get out of the mindset of still being at home with our parents even though it's been 4 years! It's so weird being able to observe it from the outside while also being stuck in it. I feel insane.

I don't believe in any sort of supernatural or spiritual existence (not sure anyone in system does or not), but when we were younger we used to think we were lightly psychic or something. Cause host could always guess things correctly. Facts or information they didn't know. Guys we were getting information from the rest of the system. The process we did to "intuit" information was exactly the same as we do now to do internal communication.

Always feel a bit surprised when alters are consistent across time. Idk if it's just cause we're used to being very inconsistent as a collective or bc it's hard to fathom having hundreds of unique individual alters who have their own thought patterns and interests. But like every time something starts to make sense it's like, wait really? You keep talking about the same things, with the same writing style, and front for the same triggers??? Crazy, my dissociative disorder actually dissociated me

I've seen people describe their headmates as family or roommates or coworkers or strangers. For us it's like everyone is a member of a small town community. There are enough of us that we can't all be close ever. But like we're mostly all on a first name basis and wave to each other (or hide when we meet in "public"). There are several moments where we go "huh I think I went to high school with that guy" but don't really KNOW another alter. But there are also groups who are close friends. Like yeah we all know the one alter who loiters outside the convenience store and we give him change for headspace cigarettes. He's very important to the eco system of our small town. Don't ask too many questions, he will front and throw hands.

Our brain sure does solve problems by changing itself a LOT for a brain that hates managing change.

Forgot we had DID and had a lovely day not thinking about any of our issues just to remember as we getting settled into bed that we have therapy tomorrow and we need to not forget we exist for that. And we gotta try and write a list of the stuff we need to talk about tomorrow even though we forgot all of it. Bc why wouldn't we leave that to the last second. I hate this fucking brain. Ughhhhhhh

DID experience: I have no idea if we can swim. But I DO apparently hold a memory that my wife has never heard us share.