Gob Bluth is Valid

they hate me for my flat facial expressions and inability to contribute to conversations

you’re one of the three survivors after the apocalypse & the other two are visibly passing one of theirs’ phones back & forth having a secret conversation in a notes app

she didnt block me on pinterest so im sending her madd pictures of ghouls and devils

people hiding their vampirism is soooo tired. its 2020 no one cares anymore.

If my girl friends want to see my tits, I will simply show them

Chess Is For Men. Women Wouldn't Get It.

Has anyone else been in the strangest, most indecipherable headspace of their life lately

i’m taking an offensive driving course so i can learn techniques to make other drivers on the road hate me and want to t-bone my car into smithereens

*does a gay little drive that pisses you off*

Please tell me this is the Spring 2020 new hot Look.

BOY IT IS NOW

what is it about having anxiety that makes you so insane. like every time i go to my job where i work i expect someone to tell me to leave. like i walk in and im like well i bet im not supposed to be here. even though all signs point to me needing to be there

honestly my dream is to not be famous myself, but to be married to a famous person purely so i could go to events full of other famous people and pretend i’ve never heard of any of them. i would love to watch the look on leonardo di caprio’s face as i ask him what he does for a living and, when he incredulously tells me he’s an actor, take a sip of my drink and ask, “and how’s that working out for you?”

ten stupid things i’ve done out of a compulsive need to be liked (cringe compilation)

i can’t believe we’re all young professionals and academics and we’re still logging on to tumblr.com every single day to clown on ourselves. who let this happen

This is my absolute favorite post ever i even saved the image on my laptop under the name of “and me” in a special folder with nothing but this image