Memes make me marvelicious

Four words: don’t go to bed without a big fucking jug of water because what if you wake up thirsty

please explain how this is four words and not 13

Subtract nine words from my words and then its four words

Transcript: Yesterday my cousin said that my rooster wasn't a real rooster. He said he's a Walmart rooster. *chicken noises* Does this not look like a real rooster to you? *chicken makes a sound again* Sure, he's small, but he has feelings.

important context this person looks and sounds like they’re gonna cry

Also important to note that the rooster appears to be roughly the size of a large pigeon.

The pigeon people have informed me he is the size of a normal pigeon, or perhaps even a small pigeon. Fucking rip.

Teaching the baby ADVANCED TECHNIQUES

you could tell me british people say/do literally anything and i would believe it 

I fucking love this country, it’s a stupid mess and I adore it.

Perfectly executed, BMO must do this often

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

*leans over and whispers back*  Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

consider the coconut

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”

Nipples are what differentiates us from coconuts 👍✨

(voice of someone about to turn 30) it’s nice making friends. It’s nice to play together and have fun. It’s nice to hang out

(voice of someone turning 32 this year) it’s nice having playdates with your friends

My friend Keki sent me a Makima funko pop, and it whispers to me at night, and it has been gradually merging into my personality.

Sometimes I can still hear their voice

I think the biggest misunderstanding they have of Tumblr is that they think of it as a social media platform when in actuality it's a blogging platform with social features.

I like the use of Metroman here because if there's one thing Tumblr users collectively agree on it's that we want everyone to think we're dead

😔

wish we were still on Tumblr instead of the void

You won't believe me when I say this, but one color, plus another color, equals another color

Inspiring words. What about numbers?

Numbers? I'll leave that wacky shit to bigwigs up at Harvard