o hey

asking "hey is it fine if I smoke in here" and before you're able to answer I've already set up a full rack of salmon over a fire in your living room

I am losing my shit right now

sometimes you're the dog butterer. sometimes you're the dog with the butter on it.

my beautiful baby who i'm naming untitled document

i can't seem to find my baby

having a job is very weird bcos by and large your coworkers will be a variety of ages and you will not all be at the same stage of life. your coworker will be like, well I’m off home to spend time with my husband & child, what are you going to do with your evening? and you’re like, well, I plan on playing Rollercoaster Tycoon for as much as it as possible

And you are older than them

if magic was real I'd get really into wizardry long enough to learn like 3 spells then move on and 4 years later id be like oh yeah I remember how to summon flame. probably. and then id do all the hand motions out of order and explode

i bet it feels good as fuck to erupt from the soil as a skeleton warrior

the guy who designed scythes definitely knew that shit was badass. he didnt care about wheat