Sorry haven’t updated this in years

Gotta get married so I can avoid situations with a “oh sorry I can’t, my wife needs me home asap” and then go home to my beautiful wife

There is one patch of sunlight that falls in my apartment and every time I see it I think ‘a cat would look so good there.’

YOU WERE RIGHT

do you ever get stuck in between “it’s ok not to have everything on track i got time” and “i’ve already wasted my life at the ripe old age of 23”

yeah i understand women. they all want daggers and swords. it’s quite simple really

Are you a fisherman because I think you’re a reel catch

You spelled real wrong.

Throw this one back into the water boys we’ve got ourselves a city slicker

Mulan gave me unrealistic expectations about makeup removal

how do i stop fuckin thinking

x

in 2017 we’re replacing our cerebrospinal fluid with sierra mist

no idea what this means

lemon lime spine

@ people who think i’m attractive: thanks for having low standards