im sorry i was so weird the other night. thats how i am every night

people with siblings love saying shit like "you never played first degree murder knife chase?"

can you come collect your freak of a man please. He’s doing things

Best part of the aquarium is like the meathead guys who are like "bro what the hell is that thing that's crazy" and their gf who has to gently tell them "babe that's a seahorse"

There was a group of angels at the bar tonight. Super intense vibe, but they kept to themselves and didn't disturb the other patrons, except for one point when they all suddenly burst into cheers and ordered a round for the bar. I asked what they were celebrating. They told me that for a split second all of the air molecules bounced petfectly into one corner of the room. It's like their version of the dvd screensaver.

I feel bad for fish

why

damp

shit girl they sure are

I LOVE being alive so I can be mediocre at SO many different hobbies

do not underestimate how many times i can listen to a song in a row

the concept of having a girlfriend is insane a girl laughs at your jokes enough times and then you’re like i guess it’s my life’s mission to make you do that forever

mean lesbians & evil bisexuals we need to unionize

the whole “it takes a village” thing needs to translate into adulthood too bc i need support!! i need people i can lean on! i need people i can share my thoughts with!! i need a village of mfs who love me!! idc idc idc

"it does not do it for me" is a valid opinion re: any media