goodbye evergreen

bass makes a dollar. i make a dime. that's why i think about lesbian sex on company time

BASS?? BASS MAKES A DOLLAR????? IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS AND NONE OF YOU THOUGH TO TELL ME I MISSPELLED IT????????

FISH TYPO

fish exploit me women want me

my bad for assuming everyone has critical thinking skills btw

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

thank you black mold. thats a wonderful idea black mold.

Venom

I hate it when people ask me what genre of music i listen to because i genuinely have no clue. It's called Music I Like genre. The best genre out there

imagining an alternate timeline where shakespeare wrote a play about king arthur. we would be so unwell

yeah cause thou art so well otherwise, tumblr user currently crying about Lancelot

you know what verily i deserv’d this

hi im your cat do you mind if i touch your coffee. do you mind if i put my whole foot in your coffee

do you ever start writing a comment on the internet and then think “oh what the fuck am i going on about” and delete it

i think im just not worth getting close to

USERNAME LORE GIVE IT TO ME NOW YOU ALL

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

i'm crying because soap lung rash from asmr is exactly the kind of insane medical diagnosis this show would have. i can see the crappy cgi zoom in on her hair follicles (in 2024 the cgi would still be 2004 cgi). you nailed it

The way this lined up so many references I know feels like some bullet bending nonsense.