black lives matter

i be in the boy’s bathroom like

there’s a fucking furry at the mall!!!!

what the hell is an “"easter bunny”“

white person: *eats chicken tikka masala once* i just…. i feel so connected… to indian culture …. I’m learning to speak islam…. check out my third eye….. chakra

Every time I see this. Every damn time. I’m immediately sucked back into my fuckin. Fuckin English lit class with Mr. Fuckass McShit. Mr. “Hit the gong to begin class”, “Namaste, Children”, “I wanna go backpacking in India to find my spiritual awakening and also my left burkinstock that I lost during a cedar sauna drum circle” ass bastard. “Do you want to share your poetry with the class to get in touch with your emotions” ass fucker. Mr. “Here’s a photograph of a tribal shaman, describe him using nature words” asshole. Pretentious-ass, condescending motherfucker. “Do you want to tell us about your saddest memory?” “I dunno, sir. Are you giving me an option?” “No.” “Then why are you asking” Every goddamn day. Fuck. “You seem tense.” Oh, I seem tense? I seem tense. Well fuck, Professor Pillsbury, maybe I ‘seem tense’ because I walk into a room on five hours of sleep to the sound of a goddamn brass gong drilling through my brain and your seven-foot-nine, socks-and-sandals-wearing, patchouli-smelling ass immediately gravitates in my direction with some shit like “a tree……… Is a Poem” and I gotta sit here and politely tell you that No I’m Not Comfortable Telling The Class About A Time I Was Emotionally Vulnerable With A Loved One using words that sound like the way the color yellow smells. Maybe I don’t wanna sit in a circle and hold hands with Brittney from Computer Sciences to “align our auras” or some shit. Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. I swear to God, if I wanted to sing ‘kumbaya’ with a smelly old guy with gross facial hair who writes bad porn on the side, I’d go out to the parking lot and share a Hookah with Crazy Dan, the disgraced electrician. What, I don’t wanna do an interpretive dance to represent the spiritual experience of eating Quinoa in a room full of ambivalent preteens and suddenly I’m the ‘troubled youth’ you need to Robin Williams “O Captain My Captain” your way into having a Paternal Bonding Moment powerful enough to Expand My Impressionable Young Mind and Turn My Life Around, you goddamn saint, you? Jesus Fucking Christ. You insufferable jackass. You’re not “Enlightened”, you rolled out of bed and ate half a pot brownie, wrote a sad song about a leaf, and strolled into class to ramble about your Spirit Animal for six hours straight before calling it a day. Holy Jesus goddamned Christ. Fucking Balls, sir. Holy Fucking Balls

Beyoncé please just put lemonade on Spotify you made your point PLEASE

She’s a Virgo w a Scorpio moon. You’ll be waiting a while sis

Like? What does that even mean? I hate when physics bitchis are like? “Oh but her Lilith is in the eighth node and mars is in mercurial so I’ll give it a COUPLE of weeks” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEEAAAANNN??!!?!??!

It means she’s stubborn and petty like you don’t need to be an astrologist to know that about ha

Hdksjskdkdkdk WHY DIDNT YOU JUST SAY THATS SHSJSHSJSJS I HTE ASTRONOMY

It’s cos Mercury’s in retrograde

Are clowns patriotic

are you?

I’m asking the questions here. Would a clown die for its country

everyone who has ever died for their country was a clown

I respect and admire ellen page as a wonderful human and actor but she has never played a convincing straight person in her entire career

honestly if they wanted this romance to come across as anything but “closeted lesbian tries to date the first man who shows any sort of interest in her because she has unresolved attachment and emotional issues” they shouldn’t have cast ellen page

me on my resume: im fun! no relevant skills

russian bitches invented “a hoe never gets cold fuck a hypothermia” energy

dumb ass accidentally painted a train instead of a fire

rene magritte has talent but this is a rookie mistake