#op its your job to kill that whale

the main thing that puts me off of playing chess is that there is 2000 years of gameplay that hundreds of people with higher IQs than me have spent thousands of hours studying the history of, so much so that when i put the pawn forward they say “ah i see youre going for the bulgarian somersault” and then i try to take their bishop with my knight and they go “aw, rookie mistake, youve played the frenchmans cumsock, and in approximately 37 moves i’ll have won”

"i got myself some little treats and now life isn't so hard anymore" local woman admits

We can't ibuprofen our way outta this one boys

what if we kissed while the two musical motifs representing our characters overlapped, complimenting each other perfectly

What did he do with the real Officer B

Officer B shows up right after this scene. Though it’s heavily implied that Officer B was actually another Ditto that learned human speech all along.

you laugh but this was the plot of full metal alchemist

Excuse me??

Yep. That’s entirely true.

there are so many fucking layers of obscurity to this joke i feel like i’ve learned another language just by looking at it

I don’t get it can someone explain :(

Who’s the first pokemon meme: From left to right Mew - Game lore, Mew was the genetic ancestor of all modern pokemon, it was the “first” pokemon Rhydon - purported to be the first pokemon designed by the game designers. It is the “first” pokemon actually created Bulbasaur - In the Pokedex, in number order, Bulbasaur is pokemon 001. Bulbasaur is the “first” pokemon. Arceus - Game Lore, Arceus is the literal God of Creation, Arceus was is and ever shall be, Arceus is the beginning and the end the alpha and the omega, Arceus created the world, but it’s still a pokemon (and you can catch it). Since Arceus existed before the world, Arceus is the “first” pokemon. Note: Don’t try to reconcile conflicting game lore, that way lies madness.

Are you telling me Miranda was eating that carrot with whip cream for fun and not because the scene called for it.

We live in an age of regrettably half-assed insults. I would have done great at like 1654 where you could walk up to someone you don't like and just say shit like "how cruel can nature be, that now age denies you wisdom, as youth once forbade you beauty" and get stabbed.

action movie about a guy who pretends to be a hitman and does the whole “25% up front and the rest when the job is done” thing but then just keeps the down payment, doesn’t kill anybody, and stops responding to the client’s calls, knowing that they can’t sue him for breach of contract without confessing to trying to hire a hitman. problem is now a lot of people who are comfortable with the concept of paying someone to kill someone else are mad at him

none of his former clients know his real identity, due to him using a fresh fake for each con, so he decides that his only hope of making it out of this mess unscathed is to land the inevitable contract for his own assassination and fake his own death. thus begins his deadly race against the clock and against other actual bounty hunters, former clients, and a smoldering ex lover, whom he must betray, persuade or kill. darknet: the catfish bounty

Someone make a movie please.

Just send me 25% of the funding up front and the rest when I deliver the completed movie. I’ve got a kickstarter and

deleting all my dating apps so i can find love the old fashioned way (save the world at 12, share an underwater kiss at 16, gets his memory wiped and only remembers me, then we fall into a pit of death together, survive, then share a kiss where our parents rivalry started)