Gender? Hardly Know Er!

When this happens, it becomes increasingly clear that the only real purpose of Doomerism is to allow the person espousing it to let themselves off the hook for doing anything to help improve the world around them.

It's just laziness masquerading as enlightenment. If there's no hope, then you can feel morally validated and justified in fucking off and not doing anything.

Like I get feeling tired. Occasionally I check out when I feel like my mental health is suffering. But not forever.

I’m the youngest of 9. Yes, freakin’ 9. (Blended family, but still it’s big). Though they are all technically half-siblings to me, we don’t use step, half, or any other qualifiers. We’re family.

Even when you know that everyone involved is still going to love you, it’s a daunting amount of people to reveal your full self to.

So far, I’ve told two of my sisters (they are very supportive, and the three of us have a group chat where we chat about life, and I’ve confided some of my experience to.

As my hair grew longer last year, and my style became more androgynous, my parents finally (gently-ish) confronted me about it. It wasn’t under the best circumstances. My 70-year-old dad had broken a leg, and when I visited them my mom ended up asking me about it point blank, and I had the dreaded conversation with them then. They told me they would always love me and be proud of me, but they were going to need time with this. They were going to struggle with this.

I feel like we’ve landed in a decent place now, even if I do still tone down my style around them because I don’t want to change the relationship we have. Anyway, when they came around I told them, “Hey, you’re free to let the family know.”

I’m not sure how much they have done so, or if the word “genderfluid” has even been uttered. I came out to one brother relatively soon after coming out to our parents, but first asked him if he had heard anything about me from the parents. He said, “They said you’re getting in touch with your feminine side, and that’s why you hair and nails are colorful.” And I had to laugh at that phrasing of it, because it was kinda true. “Close enough! Lol” I said, and gave him the full story.

So I guess that basically means that my family knows, on some level, but nobody has come to me directly to ask the question.

To be clear I don’t believe I have any reason to fear anything actually dangerous if I came out to everyone in the family. My parents’ reactions were the ones I was fearing the most, and that turned out okay in the end. The most conservative of my siblings are still fairly moderate and appropriately hate the current government, so while they might not be used to seeing it, and there would be potential awkward moments, I don’t think any of them would be hatefully transphobic. I just don’t want any of them to feel like I’ve purposefully left them out of this. My appearance has changed a lot in the past year and a half, so it’s getting kind of obvious that I’m some kind of queer, but no one is addressing the elephant.

I’m thinking of writing up a text that I can either send to the sibling group chat, or that I can copy paste to individual messages with each sibling, leaning toward the latter. All of these people love me and I love all of them, I just want them to know me a little better.

So after my parents and the three siblings who already knew, I have 6 people to message. Here goes nothing.

2 parents, 8 siblings, 10 people total (I figure they can tell their partners themselves)

I’ll “live post” the coming out in this thread, haha. Just to give me a place to get my angst out about it.

Current Count

Not doing this in any particular order, but just picking the next one to come to mind.

I also think I’ll try and “cast” my siblings with celebrity lookalikes or personality-alikes so I can paint an anonymized picture of what this all looks and feels like.

I’ve told a brother. Picture James Marsden if he was more of a regular dude and very sarcastic, but in a cool way.

(Me if I was coming out to James Marsden-brother IRL, and trying to sound wise about it)

(Him when he’s inevitably chill about it)

Waiting to hear back, but hey, he’s probably at work though, so I’ll just stew in the apprehension and busy myself with my own work until he sees it.

Current Count

In fact, he told me that he might have questions for me, because his kid is wondering if they might be non-binary, so it seems like a really good line of dialogue has been opened up here, and hopefully, I can be an extra lifeline for that teenager as well!

Did I just become the cool queer uncle?!

The text is out, and I’m just waiting to hear back from him. I don’t expect anything scary, but as usual it’s a very vulnerable and anxiety-inducing thing to do. But I’m sure Steve Zahn of all people would be chill about it!

Current Count

I was actually going to text each of them on Wednesday, but I'm glad I stopped myself because I remembered that Cyndi Lauper-sister had an anniversary that day, and I didn't want to make that complicated by making the day about myself and doing a drive-by "oh by the way, my gender is way more complicated than you thought, here are my pronouns, anyway, byyyyyyyye!" I'm lucky that I remembered, lol.

Instead, I thought, how about I use the "send later" function on my phone to send each of them my "coming out" message, sending them each at precisely 11:03am on Friday. That gives Cyndi Lauper-sister's anniversary a little space and each of them receives it at the same time, and I don't make anyone "the last person to find out".

On Friday morning, my wife and I were headed out on a road trip, and I specifically remember seeing the car stereo clock strike 11:03, and with a jolt, I realized that the word was out. My entire, giant family now knows that I'm way more feminine than they ever thought I was. There was something kind of panicky about that thought, but also a great deal of comfort. Like, way more comfort than I thought there might be. My entire family knows who I am now, and there's no need to tiptoe around anymore.

Sally was the first to respond. She said, "Oh sweet boy. You know I'm probably the most open-minded person there is." lol. She went on to say that she as incredibly proud of me, that she'd always be there for me, and she said we need more people to be their true selves. She's amazing. A true sister, and credit to my beloved late brother for his judge of character in the person he chose to marry.

Then, Robin Wright texted. She congratulated me about feeling so much happier and reminded me that I will always be loved by her and her husband. Another sweet message.

[Leaping into ally-ship]

Finally, Cyndi Lauper answered. She let me know she was incredibly happy for me, and that she honored to be trusted enough to tell, and that she was proud to have me as a sibling.

And with that, I had come out to my entire 55 person (including in-laws and niblings) family. My entire family still loves me, and outside of a bumpy outing to my parents, it all went incredibly smoothly. So many queer people are not nearly so lucky, so I am feeling incredibly blessed and lucky to have such an open-minded and accepting family, especially in a family where the majority of us are Christian. Guess my family is actually practicing the peace and love part, which makes me feel incredibly grateful for the brood I found myself in.

Final Count

10 people know, 0 people left to tell!

————-

Honorary casting of the first part of the family I told:

First sister I told (fun fact, the sister whose cute little skirt I borrowed as a “kilt” to play MacDuff in MacBeth in 6th grade): Heather Burns (Miss Rhode Island in Miss Congeniality)

Second Sister I told: Avril Lavigne

First Brother I told: Brendan Fraser

Mom: Julia Childs

Dad: Tommy Lee Jones

I’m the youngest of 9. Yes, freakin’ 9. (Blended family, but still it’s big). Though they are all technically half-siblings to me, we don’t use step, half, or any other qualifiers. We’re family.

Even when you know that everyone involved is still going to love you, it’s a daunting amount of people to reveal your full self to.

So far, I’ve told two of my sisters (they are very supportive, and the three of us have a group chat where we chat about life, and I’ve confided some of my experience to.

As my hair grew longer last year, and my style became more androgynous, my parents finally (gently-ish) confronted me about it. It wasn’t under the best circumstances. My 70-year-old dad had broken a leg, and when I visited them my mom ended up asking me about it point blank, and I had the dreaded conversation with them then. They told me they would always love me and be proud of me, but they were going to need time with this. They were going to struggle with this.

I feel like we’ve landed in a decent place now, even if I do still tone down my style around them because I don’t want to change the relationship we have. Anyway, when they came around I told them, “Hey, you’re free to let the family know.”

I’m not sure how much they have done so, or if the word “genderfluid” has even been uttered. I came out to one brother relatively soon after coming out to our parents, but first asked him if he had heard anything about me from the parents. He said, “They said you’re getting in touch with your feminine side, and that’s why you hair and nails are colorful.” And I had to laugh at that phrasing of it, because it was kinda true. “Close enough! Lol” I said, and gave him the full story.

So I guess that basically means that my family knows, on some level, but nobody has come to me directly to ask the question.

To be clear I don’t believe I have any reason to fear anything actually dangerous if I came out to everyone in the family. My parents’ reactions were the ones I was fearing the most, and that turned out okay in the end. The most conservative of my siblings are still fairly moderate and appropriately hate the current government, so while they might not be used to seeing it, and there would be potential awkward moments, I don’t think any of them would be hatefully transphobic. I just don’t want any of them to feel like I’ve purposefully left them out of this. My appearance has changed a lot in the past year and a half, so it’s getting kind of obvious that I’m some kind of queer, but no one is addressing the elephant.

I’m thinking of writing up a text that I can either send to the sibling group chat, or that I can copy paste to individual messages with each sibling, leaning toward the latter. All of these people love me and I love all of them, I just want them to know me a little better.

So after my parents and the three siblings who already knew, I have 6 people to message. Here goes nothing.

2 parents, 8 siblings, 10 people total (I figure they can tell their partners themselves)

I’ll “live post” the coming out in this thread, haha. Just to give me a place to get my angst out about it.

Current Count

Not doing this in any particular order, but just picking the next one to come to mind.

I also think I’ll try and “cast” my siblings with celebrity lookalikes or personality-alikes so I can paint an anonymized picture of what this all looks and feels like.

I’ve told a brother. Picture James Marsden if he was more of a regular dude and very sarcastic, but in a cool way.

(Me if I was coming out to James Marsden-brother IRL, and trying to sound wise about it)

(Him when he’s inevitably chill about it)

Waiting to hear back, but hey, he’s probably at work though, so I’ll just stew in the apprehension and busy myself with my own work until he sees it.

Current Count

In fact, he told me that he might have questions for me, because his kid is wondering if they might be non-binary, so it seems like a really good line of dialogue has been opened up here, and hopefully, I can be an extra lifeline for that teenager as well!

Did I just become the cool queer uncle?!

The text is out, and I’m just waiting to hear back from him. I don’t expect anything scary, but as usual it’s a very vulnerable and anxiety-inducing thing to do. But I’m sure Steve Zahn of all people would be chill about it!

Current Count

I’m the youngest of 9. Yes, freakin’ 9. (Blended family, but still it’s big). Though they are all technically half-siblings to me, we don’t use step, half, or any other qualifiers. We’re family.

Even when you know that everyone involved is still going to love you, it’s a daunting amount of people to reveal your full self to.

So far, I’ve told two of my sisters (they are very supportive, and the three of us have a group chat where we chat about life, and I’ve confided some of my experience to.

As my hair grew longer last year, and my style became more androgynous, my parents finally (gently-ish) confronted me about it. It wasn’t under the best circumstances. My 70-year-old dad had broken a leg, and when I visited them my mom ended up asking me about it point blank, and I had the dreaded conversation with them then. They told me they would always love me and be proud of me, but they were going to need time with this. They were going to struggle with this.

I feel like we’ve landed in a decent place now, even if I do still tone down my style around them because I don’t want to change the relationship we have. Anyway, when they came around I told them, “Hey, you’re free to let the family know.”

I’m not sure how much they have done so, or if the word “genderfluid” has even been uttered. I came out to one brother relatively soon after coming out to our parents, but first asked him if he had heard anything about me from the parents. He said, “They said you’re getting in touch with your feminine side, and that’s why you hair and nails are colorful.” And I had to laugh at that phrasing of it, because it was kinda true. “Close enough! Lol” I said, and gave him the full story.

So I guess that basically means that my family knows, on some level, but nobody has come to me directly to ask the question.

To be clear I don’t believe I have any reason to fear anything actually dangerous if I came out to everyone in the family. My parents’ reactions were the ones I was fearing the most, and that turned out okay in the end. The most conservative of my siblings are still fairly moderate and appropriately hate the current government, so while they might not be used to seeing it, and there would be potential awkward moments, I don’t think any of them would be hatefully transphobic. I just don’t want any of them to feel like I’ve purposefully left them out of this. My appearance has changed a lot in the past year and a half, so it’s getting kind of obvious that I’m some kind of queer, but no one is addressing the elephant.

I’m thinking of writing up a text that I can either send to the sibling group chat, or that I can copy paste to individual messages with each sibling, leaning toward the latter. All of these people love me and I love all of them, I just want them to know me a little better.

So after my parents and the three siblings who already knew, I have 6 people to message. Here goes nothing.

2 parents, 8 siblings, 10 people total (I figure they can tell their partners themselves)

I’ll “live post” the coming out in this thread, haha. Just to give me a place to get my angst out about it.

Current Count

Not doing this in any particular order, but just picking the next one to come to mind.

I also think I’ll try and “cast” my siblings with celebrity lookalikes or personality-alikes so I can paint an anonymized picture of what this all looks and feels like.

I’ve told a brother. Picture James Marsden if he was more of a regular dude and very sarcastic, but in a cool way.

(Me if I was coming out to James Marsden-brother IRL, and trying to sound wise about it)

(Him when he’s inevitably chill about it)

Waiting to hear back, but hey, he’s probably at work though, so I’ll just stew in the apprehension and busy myself with my own work until he sees it.

Current Count

In fact, he told me that he might have questions for me, because his kid is wondering if they might be non-binary, so it seems like a really good line of dialogue has been opened up here, and hopefully, I can be an extra lifeline for that teenager as well!

Did I just become the cool queer uncle?!

The text is out, and I’m just waiting to hear back from him. I don’t expect anything scary, but as usual it’s a very vulnerable and anxiety-inducing thing to do. But I’m sure Steve Zahn of all people would be chill about it!

I’m the youngest of 9. Yes, freakin’ 9. (Blended family, but still it’s big). Though they are all technically half-siblings to me, we don’t use step, half, or any other qualifiers. We’re family.

Even when you know that everyone involved is still going to love you, it’s a daunting amount of people to reveal your full self to.

So far, I’ve told two of my sisters (they are very supportive, and the three of us have a group chat where we chat about life, and I’ve confided some of my experience to.

As my hair grew longer last year, and my style became more androgynous, my parents finally (gently-ish) confronted me about it. It wasn’t under the best circumstances. My 70-year-old dad had broken a leg, and when I visited them my mom ended up asking me about it point blank, and I had the dreaded conversation with them then. They told me they would always love me and be proud of me, but they were going to need time with this. They were going to struggle with this.

I feel like we’ve landed in a decent place now, even if I do still tone down my style around them because I don’t want to change the relationship we have. Anyway, when they came around I told them, “Hey, you’re free to let the family know.”

I’m not sure how much they have done so, or if the word “genderfluid” has even been uttered. I came out to one brother relatively soon after coming out to our parents, but first asked him if he had heard anything about me from the parents. He said, “They said you’re getting in touch with your feminine side, and that’s why you hair and nails are colorful.” And I had to laugh at that phrasing of it, because it was kinda true. “Close enough! Lol” I said, and gave him the full story.

So I guess that basically means that my family knows, on some level, but nobody has come to me directly to ask the question.

To be clear I don’t believe I have any reason to fear anything actually dangerous if I came out to everyone in the family. My parents’ reactions were the ones I was fearing the most, and that turned out okay in the end. The most conservative of my siblings are still fairly moderate and appropriately hate the current government, so while they might not be used to seeing it, and there would be potential awkward moments, I don’t think any of them would be hatefully transphobic. I just don’t want any of them to feel like I’ve purposefully left them out of this. My appearance has changed a lot in the past year and a half, so it’s getting kind of obvious that I’m some kind of queer, but no one is addressing the elephant.

I’m thinking of writing up a text that I can either send to the sibling group chat, or that I can copy paste to individual messages with each sibling, leaning toward the latter. All of these people love me and I love all of them, I just want them to know me a little better.

So after my parents and the three siblings who already knew, I have 6 people to message. Here goes nothing.

2 parents, 8 siblings, 10 people total (I figure they can tell their partners themselves)

I’ll “live post” the coming out in this thread, haha. Just to give me a place to get my angst out about it.

Current Count

Not doing this in any particular order, but just picking the next one to come to mind.

I also think I’ll try and “cast” my siblings with celebrity lookalikes or personality-alikes so I can paint an anonymized picture of what this all looks and feels like.

I’ve told a brother. Picture James Marsden if he was more of a regular dude and very sarcastic, but in a cool way.

(Me if I was coming out to James Marsden-brother IRL, and trying to sound wise about it)

(Him when he’s inevitably chill about it)

Waiting to hear back, but hey, he’s probably at work though, so I’ll just stew in the apprehension and busy myself with my own work until he sees it.

Current Count

In fact, he told me that he might have questions for me, because his kid is wondering if they might be non-binary, so it seems like a really good line of dialogue has been opened up here, and hopefully, I can be an extra lifeline for that teenager as well!

Did I just become the cool queer uncle?!

I’m the youngest of 9. Yes, freakin’ 9. (Blended family, but still it’s big). Though they are all technically half-siblings to me, we don’t use step, half, or any other qualifiers. We’re family.

Even when you know that everyone involved is still going to love you, it’s a daunting amount of people to reveal your full self to.

So far, I’ve told two of my sisters (they are very supportive, and the three of us have a group chat where we chat about life, and I’ve confided some of my experience to.

As my hair grew longer last year, and my style became more androgynous, my parents finally (gently-ish) confronted me about it. It wasn’t under the best circumstances. My 70-year-old dad had broken a leg, and when I visited them my mom ended up asking me about it point blank, and I had the dreaded conversation with them then. They told me they would always love me and be proud of me, but they were going to need time with this. They were going to struggle with this.

I feel like we’ve landed in a decent place now, even if I do still tone down my style around them because I don’t want to change the relationship we have. Anyway, when they came around I told them, “Hey, you’re free to let the family know.”

I’m not sure how much they have done so, or if the word “genderfluid” has even been uttered. I came out to one brother relatively soon after coming out to our parents, but first asked him if he had heard anything about me from the parents. He said, “They said you’re getting in touch with your feminine side, and that’s why you hair and nails are colorful.” And I had to laugh at that phrasing of it, because it was kinda true. “Close enough! Lol” I said, and gave him the full story.

So I guess that basically means that my family knows, on some level, but nobody has come to me directly to ask the question.

To be clear I don’t believe I have any reason to fear anything actually dangerous if I came out to everyone in the family. My parents’ reactions were the ones I was fearing the most, and that turned out okay in the end. The most conservative of my siblings are still fairly moderate and appropriately hate the current government, so while they might not be used to seeing it, and there would be potential awkward moments, I don’t think any of them would be hatefully transphobic. I just don’t want any of them to feel like I’ve purposefully left them out of this. My appearance has changed a lot in the past year and a half, so it’s getting kind of obvious that I’m some kind of queer, but no one is addressing the elephant.

I’m thinking of writing up a text that I can either send to the sibling group chat, or that I can copy paste to individual messages with each sibling, leaning toward the latter. All of these people love me and I love all of them, I just want them to know me a little better.

So after my parents and the three siblings who already knew, I have 6 people to message. Here goes nothing.

2 parents, 8 siblings, 10 people total (I figure they can tell their partners themselves)

I’ll “live post” the coming out in this thread, haha. Just to give me a place to get my angst out about it.

Current Count

Not doing this in any particular order, but just picking the next one to come to mind.

I also think I’ll try and “cast” my siblings with celebrity lookalikes or personality-alikes so I can paint an anonymized picture of what this all looks and feels like.

I’ve told a brother. Picture James Marsden if he was more of a regular dude and very sarcastic, but in a cool way.

(Me if I was coming out to James Marsden-brother IRL, and trying to sound wise about it)

(Him when he’s inevitably chill about it)

Waiting to hear back, but hey, he’s probably at work though, so I’ll just stew in the apprehension and busy myself with my own work until he sees it.

Current Count

I’m the youngest of 9. Yes, freakin’ 9. (Blended family, but still it’s big). Though they are all technically half-siblings to me, we don’t use step, half, or any other qualifiers. We’re family.

Even when you know that everyone involved is still going to love you, it’s a daunting amount of people to reveal your full self to.

So far, I’ve told two of my sisters (they are very supportive, and the three of us have a group chat where we chat about life, and I’ve confided some of my experience to.

As my hair grew longer last year, and my style became more androgynous, my parents finally (gently-ish) confronted me about it. It wasn’t under the best circumstances. My 70-year-old dad had broken a leg, and when I visited them my mom ended up asking me about it point blank, and I had the dreaded conversation with them then. They told me they would always love me and be proud of me, but they were going to need time with this. They were going to struggle with this.

I feel like we’ve landed in a decent place now, even if I do still tone down my style around them because I don’t want to change the relationship we have. Anyway, when they came around I told them, “Hey, you’re free to let the family know.”

I’m not sure how much they have done so, or if the word “genderfluid” has even been uttered. I came out to one brother relatively soon after coming out to our parents, but first asked him if he had heard anything about me from the parents. He said, “They said you’re getting in touch with your feminine side, and that’s why you hair and nails are colorful.” And I had to laugh at that phrasing of it, because it was kinda true. “Close enough! Lol” I said, and gave him the full story.

So I guess that basically means that my family knows, on some level, but nobody has come to me directly to ask the question.

To be clear I don’t believe I have any reason to fear anything actually dangerous if I came out to everyone in the family. My parents’ reactions were the ones I was fearing the most, and that turned out okay in the end. The most conservative of my siblings are still fairly moderate and appropriately hate the current government, so while they might not be used to seeing it, and there would be potential awkward moments, I don’t think any of them would be hatefully transphobic. I just don’t want any of them to feel like I’ve purposefully left them out of this. My appearance has changed a lot in the past year and a half, so it’s getting kind of obvious that I’m some kind of queer, but no one is addressing the elephant.

I’m thinking of writing up a text that I can either send to the sibling group chat, or that I can copy paste to individual messages with each sibling, leaning toward the latter. All of these people love me and I love all of them, I just want them to know me a little better.

So after my parents and the three siblings who already knew, I have 6 people to message. Here goes nothing.

2 parents, 8 siblings, 10 people total (I figure they can tell their partners themselves)

I’ll “live post” the coming out in this thread, haha. Just to give me a place to get my angst out about it.

Current Count

shows up to pride month 30 mins late

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

and it still wasn't another several months after that that my egg officially broke lol