none pizza with left beef

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

ive missed you

Posted Oct 9, 2012

mmm this rotisserie chicken is so good (cursed eye glows red) (i don't notice because im in first person)

Under communism we would play ourcraft

[ID: a tweet by doomer boygirl @:abrahams_wife: “i hope they learn how to transplant uteruses. i want to be the first trans woman to have an abortion.” end ID.]

absolutely obsessed with the way Fahrenheit is legitimately a superior temperature measurements for day to day life than celsius (more precise, accessible, and understandable) but ppl refuse to admit to it bc they’re so caught up with the “silly americans refuse to convert to metric” gag

Genuinely fascinated by this world in which Americans don’t boil water on a regular basis and a thermometer is necessary to know whether water is frozen or boiling.

does anyone even know what imagine dragons’ songs are about

it’s always “this doll is haunted and is ominously shattering the china” and never “how can I provide adequate enrichment for my haunted doll so she doesn’t destroy stuff out of boredom”

Your Doll’s Not Evil, She’s Just Bored

 i think we can be evil. as a treat

we?

we :)

Back when I was in seventh grade, I took mixed martial arts classes, I was aggressive and rambunctious and it was a great outlet. I learned how to take down someone by bending their wrist a certain way. Anyways, I used that power on a kid I didn’t like cause he had the same name as me. I felt like God, and I never learned any lesson. The end.

What happened to the kid?

On the floor to this day

I’m just doing what comes naturally

sorry mate I can’t talk right now I’m being chased by a lit trail of gunpowder

Hey what’s that pouring out of your pocket?

oh god

Oh, so the Catholic Church can commit theophagy every Sunday for two thousand years and that's fine, but as soon as I decide to try a little theophagy of my own everybody freaks out. I see how it is.

Wait hold on gotta look something up

Ok yeah this is funny

homosexual? oh no, you misheard me. i’m homersexual. im only attracted to the abstract concept of a collection of oral poets who can recite thousands of lines about the rage of achilles and the journeys of odysseus from memory

Oh thank God I thought you meant Simpsons porn

i’m kinda glad chernobyl memes are a thing now because it means i can send them to my dad who swam in the river by it a year or so before it exploded

like just to be clear it WAS leaking

w

My mum was sunbathing in Krakow when Chernobyl exploded and by the time she heard it had been quite a while so she and her friends just said ‘f it’ and went back to sunbathing. Her life expectancy was 40 but she’s 56 now and I swear all it did was give her slight superhuman ability because she literally has the blood work of a 20 year-old and it is impossible to make her just rest.

Congratulations on your inherited immortality, my friend! Remember us in 3029