The Blog Lebowski

Is that fuckin turbo shandy in a glass?!

Shout out to you guys who have not told their parents because you have to stay with them.

Shout out to those kids who hide this all and try live normal lives.

Shout out to the kids who haven’t told their parents because “they didn’t really mean” it and you don’t want to hurt them.

Shout out to the kids who didnt say anything because they want to still have a relationship with their family and feel like theyre over exaggerating it anyway.

now, if you work in retail, you know this sort of customer. those assholes who walk in right before you close and take their time shopping and act like they dont notice the announcements that “the store is now closed. please bring your final selection up to the front for checkout.” or that every employee is so fucking done for the night and want to get home. or that they are the only customer in the store. and when they have a shopping cart, you know they’re gonna be a while.

so a solid half hour after we are officially closed this woman comes to my register, because i am the only one open. because it’s ten fucking thirty pm and everyone else is ready to leave and ive been stuck here for eleven hours because someone called out and i was already there and a fucking idiot. 

and this woman, she’s a Suburban Mom ™ type and, like all the fucking moms who come into this store, she doesnt have a coupon because she expects us to just give it to her. and we will, if they ask. except i, after a solid hour of no customers and foolishly thinking nobody would come, had gotten rid of my coupons a few minutes before she walked in. so when she asks if i had a coupon i say no, i’m sorry, i don’t have one at the register. 

and this woman, she leans in and tells me “you know, i’m a professional psychic.” and i think “oh christ here we go”

and long island medium here, immune to the glares of the other employees who want her to just fucking pay and leave, goes on and on about this boy who loves me. we are soul mates, she says. destined to be. but there is a power keeping us apart. she mentions this “power” keeping me from mr. right several times. 

i, exhausted and frustrated and wanting to go home, reply “is it the power of me being a lesbian?”

Watch: Can video games be a spiritual experience?

So glad to hear that you have found condoms or a copper IUD to be the only type of birth control you need.

Also chuffed to know you don’t suffer from any mental or physical disorders or disabilities that may necessitate any medication because they can be really hard.

Similarly I am so excited to hear you earn enough each week to buy a cornucopia of fresh fruit and veggies, enough to last you through every meal.

That’s super.

My prescription pills aren’t pretty and colourful like yours, they don’t fill me up or taste very good at all but they do help correct my genetic neurotransmitter deficiency a bit. So that’s something.

But yeah, go on with your super inspired comparison of eating a banana to taking prescription medication. It’s not coming off as privileged or sanctimonious at all.

I pushed myself above and beyond my comfort zons and conquered every activity that I said I couldn’t face.

I climbed a huge totem pole, jumped off the top onto a trapeze which I swung on then let go of, I went climbing, caving, canoeing, zip wiring and went on a 6 billion foot swing!!!!!!!!11!!!1 

I cried tons and had plenty of melt downs during all of these activities but it has done me the world of good to really push myself.

In light of that fact, here’s my go at cybersexing Cleverbot.

alrighty, let’s go one more step

Tom Clancy’s The Division (2016)

Dev: Massive Entertainment