let's conspire to ignite

endlessly funny that some pets will just decide they are service animals now without any training or feedback from humans. babygirl no one hired you. you do not have a license for this

I’m not talking about humans pretending their untrained pets are service animals so they can bring them places they shouldn’t be allowed. I’m talking about my dog, who took one look at the two people with severe ADHD time-blindness and executive dysfunction who adopted him and was like, “Great. I am your Watch Dog now, as in, dog who functions like a watch. That is, if your watch was a seven-pound furby that could run this house like the goddamn navy. I will catapult myself onto your chest and nip at your hands when you fail to get up and Do Things in response to my incessant whining that it is Time For You To Eat Lunch/Get Out Of Bed/Go Exercise/Take Your Meds/Etc Now Now Right Now. This is a service I provide for to Helping You. No, you cannot opt out of the Helping You. Do not attempt to resist the Helping You.”

@thebibliosphere I think we've found Holly Mop's people

Some beloved critters really take the ‘companion’ role so seriously they train themselves to go above and beyond to the point where you’ll find yourself being bullied into lying down by a 10lb Shih Tzu. And then they’re right. You were getting a migraine. (It’s me. I’m in bed with a migraine with a 10lb Shih Tzu lying on top of me.)

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

this was tumblr in 2013

This is tumblr in 2026

Living alone by choice is funny because you're like "I wish I had someone to come back to who added light and warmth and companionship to my home, even distantly" but also if anyone else touches your kitchen you'll explode so you can't have that

We should popularize more hispanized phonetic spellings of classic character names like we did with esnupi