Gallifreyan Gryffindor

“One: He’s sitting on my chair. Two: He’s wearing my clothes. Three: His name’s Remus Lupin…”

“My harp session turned into a Disney movie”

Alien 2: “Yes, this is an insightful battle simulation training recording.”

Alien 1: “You misunderstand. The humans are not battle training. They are doing those things for entertainment only. For fun.”

Alien 2: “…What?… for entertain… Even the human young?!”

Alien 1: “Yes.”

Alfred: *nudges Bruce* That should have been you.

Bruce: Not now, Alfred.

Alfred: They aren’t asking a maniac who dresses up as a flying mammal every night for help, are they?

Bruce: This is a medical emergency.

oops accidental bonus headcanons because JEDI KNIGHT HAN SOLO, oooooops oh well too late now! 

“It’s LUCK, kid,” Han scoffs dismissively, then proceeds to grab up the lightsaber himself and turn on the training droid, then close his eyes and nail every single bolt before knocking the thing right out of the air. “Also, see that, you don’t even NEED the Force to do that.” “… perhaps, but that was the Force you just did that with,” Obi-Wan replies slowly. “What,” Han says. 

It was definitely the Force. “I AM NOT A JEDI,” Han Solo yells as he is dragged kicking and screaming into Jedi training by the power of Luke’s excitement at not being the only one suffering the indignity of getting hit in the ass by randomized droid blaster-shots, literally just that. Also Obi-Wan tells him he might be able to shave half a parsec off the Kessel Run, if he hones his Force-sense finely enough, which, well, FINE then. BUT ONLY FOR THE KESSEL RUN. 

“I have a bad feeling about this.” 

“I HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.”

“DID I MENTION THE BAD FEELING THAT I HAVE ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT IS AN INCREASINGLY BAD FEELING.” 

Leia is so appalled by the state of the Jedi in this galaxy. “Sorry, sweetheart, we can’t all be bright-eyed little beacons of galactic hope,” Han says, smashing a Stormtrooper over the head with his lightsaber hilt. The blade is blue but NO ONE WOULD FUCKING KNOW, CONSIDERING HOW RARELY HE USES THE DAMN THING. Generally speaking Jedi Knight Han Solo uses his lightsaber as A) a laser cutter and B) a blunt instrument. Obi-Wan is dead and he is STILL going to die of shame on behalf of the Order. 

“WHY ARE WE ON THIS HELLISH SWAMP PLANET AND HOW DO WE GET OFF IT YESTERDAY.” 

The amount of gimer-stick whaps that Han Solo suffers has not been seen in the galaxy since Yan Dooku was a snotty little baby padawan who couldn’t be assed to pay attention to anything not saberplay for more than fifteen seconds at a time. 

Lando takes one look at Han Solo holding a lightsaber and laughs for TEN THOUSAND YEARS. Chewbacca is like THANK YOU, AT LAST SOMEONE ELSE SEES THE FUCKING HILARITY OF THIS SITUATION, THANK YOU, CALRISSIAN. 

Vader abruptly realizes that he hasn’t seen a Jedi Knight like this since Anakin Skywalker. Except Han is taking all those traits and cranking them up to eleven. He is quietly convinced that, somewhere, Obi-Wan is laughing in the Force.

This may be the most beautiful tag I have ever been gifted? At LEAST it is top ten.