MeepMoop

As the maids fetched accessories and floral arrangements for you to approve ahead of the festivities, you pondered how your life had drastically changed. A mere three months had passed since your wedding day. Still, it seemed a lifetime ago. You had every reason to be happy, you had married well, living more than comfortably, and your husband was not unkind towards you like others you've heard about. But your marriage to the viscount wasn't exactly the love story of the century, to say the least. 

After the passing of both your parents, Lady Danbury had taken you in as one of her own. Raised you to be a lady of society in every way she saw fit and even sponsored your coming out last season. The very same season, the Queen appointed you as her diamond. Not long after, none other than Anthony Bridgerton set his sights on you, surpassing any honorable suitor that even thought about appearing at your doorstep. The entire courtship, along with the proposal, felt purely transactional. Anthony berated you with questions, encounters feeling more like interviews than any courting you were used to. It was not as if you were not attracted to the man if you were being entirely honest with yourself; you'd spent the better half of your time bottling up whatever it is that blossoms in your chest when he is near. And you hated yourself for it. For feeling something you couldn't even name for a man who treated as nothing more than an object. Every public outing where he was caring towards you, even kind and every bit of charming you could ever hope for, raised your hopes high only to see them crashing down at the indifference towards you the moment you were alone without the peering eyes of the ton on you.

Your wedding and honeymoon came and went in a blur. Not even able to consummate the marriage properly due to an argument that left you both enraged and unable to look each other in the eye in the days that followed. The following months were a string of simple greetings in passing and only speaking to one another when absolutely necessary. The empty house you now lived in was becoming your own personal void without so much as the company of your supposed husband.

"Viscountess Bridgerton, are you alright?" Your maid questioned as you snapped out of your haze and directed your attention back to the bouquets before you.

"Yes, this one will be lovely for tonight, thank you." You made your final decision as Anthony strolled into the room. Your maids quickly making themselves sparse, leaving the two of you alone.

"My family should be arriving any second; I assume everything for tonight is in order, is it not?" The underlying sarcasm and questioning of your ability as the lady of the house crawled right under your skin, any lingering feelings you had been contemplating only a moment ago for the Viscount gone in an instant at his distasteful manner.

"Yes, Lord Bridgerton." You replied dryly.

"Dear, we are married and have been for some time now. I would very much like it if I did not have to tell you to address me by my first name while we are in our home." You audibly scoffed at his command while standing from your seat.

"And I would very much like it if my husband would not treat me as though I do not exist." You snapped. Anthony's jaw clenched as he tensed before you. "Seems like neither of us shall get what we want. Now if you'll excuse me, my lord, I have some preparations still pending for tonight. I am sure you can see your family to their rooms for now." 

"Now, you will not even greet my family. Do you have a distaste for them as well?"

"Never. I adore your mama and siblings as if they were my own." Anthony searched for any sign of deceit but instead found honest eyes staring back at him, making his heart ache. "If anything, I am grateful. Alas, there shall be a Bridgerton in this home I do not dislike." 

Your thoughts betrayed you abruptly exited the room and returned to your bed chambers to prepare for the evening, shutting the door and leaning against it in an attempt to steady yourself. Damn him. His scent blurred your thoughts and inhibited every one of your senses as you attempted to concentrate on the anger portrayed in his words. Instead, your mind wandered to how his white shirt hugged every curve of his chest, the plumpness of his lips, and the curve of his jaw. It was alluring in the most intoxicating way. You knew you had to compose yourself before the night began; the last thing you needed was to be distraught at your own ball.

------------------------

You stepped into the ballroom in your new dress gown the modiste had spent a significant amount of time making especially for this occasion. The staircase was beautifully adorned with white roses and touches of lilacs cascading down onto the main area. Candelabras and other flourishing arrangements were stationed around the refreshment tables your guests gathered at, and the thrumming rhythm of classical music whispered into your ears as you took notice of everyone enjoying themselves before greeting them. 

Unbeknownst to you, Anthony stood at the opposite end of the ballroom, observing how you conducted yourself gracefully amongst the guests—making light conversations while extending your kindness to everyone. He marveled at your ability to make each person feel as though they had your undivided attention; although he would never admit it, he found himself yearning for that same attention from you.

Early on, Anthony knew you fit all the requirements he had given himself for a wife. Someone honorable and suitable enough to hold the role of his Viscountess. It was precisely why he had chosen you, but that wasn't the only motive. You were the only lady's company outside his sisters; he did not particularly hate. Every potential partner he sought that season out had come up empty, whether it had been on the conversation or any other unfulfilling matter they discussed. You were different. You carried a conversation like no other, educated in far more areas than he could've hoped for, but none of that quite captured his heart in an unsuspecting manner like your character. You were kind and compassionate in a way he admired; you challenged him in ways that irritated him to no end, yet he found himself entirely enraptured by you. This is precisely why he had no choice other than shut you out completely. Anthony knew letting you get too close would be going against everything he wanted for himself. He couldn't let himself love another or have another love him; with love came loss. That he knew for certain.

"All seems good with the two of you, I see." Daphne smiled while moving to stand by Anthony as she spoke, breaking his train of thought.

"Good? I do not follow, dear sister." Anthony cleared his throat.

"Yes, good. With the way you were just openly admiring your wife, I assume it is only because the two of you have finally gotten over yourselves and admitted whatever it is you feel for one another." Anthony practically rolled his eyes at his younger sister, beginning to regret ever being forthcoming with her about the circumstances of his marriage early on. "Oh, do not tell me you are still playing this game? At this stage of marriage? Anthony-" She began scolding him, but he interrupted and led her to a more private area of the ballroom. 

"There is no game. We married because it was our duty to do so. Nothing more, nothing less. You will have to accept that, Daphne." Anthony's voice grew stern as he furrowed his brows at his sister.

"And I do. What I will not accept is the way your love for each other goes unspoken when it is clear to everyone around you." She spoke her following words in a hushed tone as to keep anyone who may be standing near from listening to them. "There is no doubt you hold love in your heart for her, brother. But if you do not tell her soon, I fear you will lose her and your only chance at happiness forever." With that, Daphne offered him a soft smile before walking towards Simon, who busied himself greeting Lady Danbury and her mama.

The night went on better than you could've hoped for. The dances and mingling were without a flaw, and even Lady Bridgerton and the Dutchess were quick to praise you on how well everything had turned out. Soon the guests started to filter out, making their way home after a long night of celebration. You strolled over to your husband after bidding goodbye to her majesty the Queen and ensuring everything had been to her liking. Anthony couldn't help but take notice of how stunning you looked tonight. How your dress fell perfectly over your figure, gems scattered throughout to match his mother's necklace laid in the most alluring way on the supple skin of your neck and chest. He was entranced in a way he'd never been before. Perhaps Daphne had been right. There's a sentence he never thought he'd utter, he thought to himself. Perhaps he had let his fears control him for far too long.

You had barely noticed your ring slipping from your fingers to fall at Anthony's feet as you approached him. Both of you leaned down to reach for it in unison, fingers ghosting over one another, making your breath catch and your eyes meet as he placed it upon your finger once again. The intimacy of such a small moment becoming too much to bear far too quickly.

"I must go." You could not bear to withstand one more moment under Anthony's intense glare, the part of you that wanted to finally divulge all the feelings you'd fought so hard to suppress after all this time threatening to break through at any given moment. You suddenly stepped back, picked up your dress the best you could, and walked hastily to avoid attracting unwanted attention from lingering guests. As you paced through the gardens, an overwhelming and uncertain feeling washed over you before you overheard Anthony's steps behind you.

"Why? Why is it that you distance yourself from me?" Anthony shouted in a hushed tone toward you. 

"Me? I am not the one stuffed in my office all day, coming to bed at late hours of the night when I am asleep and gone once I wake. Avoiding me day in and day out as if I am a plague to you." Tears welled in your eyes, making Anthony's breath hitch. He could not stand to see you like this. Every nerve in his body burned to fix whatever was troubling you, even if he was the one who caused it. Every feeling he had worked so hard to bury all this time, convincing himself he did not love you, could not love you, surfacing with every word that escaped your lips. "You treat me as though you do not care for me." Your voice was just low enough for him to hear, eyes cast downward, unable to give him so much as a glance through his silence. 

"Do not care for you? It is as if I am being consumed when I am with you. I cannot hold a breath or do the most ordinary task without you racing across my every thought. I feel as though I am losing my sanity because I cannot bear to be without you for one second. And when you are near me, it is positively intoxicating in ways I did not know to be possible." Anthony stepped cautiously toward you, fingers ghosting over your cheek, eyes dancing along your features with adoration filling them. "I love you. I love you as much as a person can love another. I do not wish to hold it inside anymore. I love you."

"I love you too." A sob wracked your chest as you responded without hesitation. The reflection in your eyes conveyed the devotion and tenderness he yearned for. It was as if you indeed saw the pieces of him but only sought to love him as he was, incomplete and perfect in every way in your eyes. As your husband.

Your heartbeat quickened as Anthony stepped close enough so that your noses practically brushed against one another—a familiar desire spreading from your heart to your chest.

Anthony cupped your face, his thumb tenderly stroking your cheek. Chills spread along your skin at the warmth of his touch. Unbridled affection flowed freely and filled the space between you. Your lips met for what felt like the first time; his other hand settled at your waist, prompting you closer to him and deepening the kiss. His lips moved against yours with a gentle urgency. It was as if nothing else mattered, the past becoming more of a distant memory the further you melted into him. There was only this moment. Anthony unwillingly pulled away, leaving your foreheads pressed against one another, his hair slightly disheveled from your fingers running through it, lips swollen and thoroughly kissed. A deep sigh escaped him before he spoke.

"I would marry you again if I could. Do it all over from the very beginning." His voice slightly wavered at the sentiment; it suddenly weighed on him how much he truly meant it. He wished nothing more than to turn back time and love you the way you deserve from the very beginning. Things would have been so different.

"Anthony, you do not need to embellish. We already married." A chuckle escaped you, a knowing smile gracing his lips. "What?"

"You called me Anthony." 

you've worked at this local coffee shop for a few months now and it's been great. its pretty calm and quiet, barely any bustling days. when it does get busy, it's pretty mild. maybe a few rushes here and there, nothing you can't handle.

yet, for some reason, today was the worst day. you didn't get a moments rest, people were lining up near the door. you blamed it on the new menu item but it could've been the holiday and your town being a tourist spot. it was hands down the busiest shift you'd have worked the entire time, and to top it all off-- you were near fainting most of it, as well as going nonverbal. you work the register. neither are very good things to have at any job but especially one that requires you to speak, process and stand.

regardless, you worked your shift and the moment your boss gave you the okay-- you were up and out of there. luckily your little cafe wasn't far from yours or wil's flat, maybe a fifteen minute walk. you pulled out your phone, scrolling through different notifications; Twitter, Tumblr, a few DMS but nothing you cared to answer or notice right away. the last thing from wil was a simple "have a good day at work, babe!" which wasn't a surprise, he also anticipated a long day at work. the boys working even more on the next EP, trying to make as many songs as they're comfortable with to counteract wilbur's perfectionism.

you pocket your phone, finding comfort in the small breeze in the air and the scent of the beach. the walk back home felt a lot quicker than usual, maybe it was your lack of perception or maybe you were just enough in tune with everything to make time to quicker. whatever it was, you didn't care either way.

you were most likely on autopilot and the way you didn't realize where you were until your hand was on the doorknob of your home, you figured that was the case. you slowly creaked the door open, trying to be minimal with what sounds you made as you shut and locked the door behind you. you undid your boots and took off your jacket, taking a moment to lean against the door before finding your composure and turning into your bedroom.

wilbur was there laying on the bed, phone in hand but the moment he laid eyes on you, his phone was on his nightstand and his arms were open wide for you, "hey, love-- how was work?" he asks softly as you slip into the bed, finding your way to lay on top of him. you slink your arms around him, nuzzling your head under your chin.

you groaned in response to his question and he chuckled, letting his hands fall to rest on your back. he drew soft circles with his fingers before moving to slip his hands under your shirt, resting them there. you sighed in content as you cuddled even closer, humming with a feeling of peace at finally being in his arms.

he let you lay like this for a good while, maybe 30 minutes, but he eventually knew he had to pry. otherwise you'd keep it locked up until the guilt of not telling him ate you alive.

"was work bad?" he placed soft kisses to your forehead, letting you lift your head and watched as you moved to straddle his hips, body still aching--but at least you could see his eyes.

"busy, mostly. tiring and- I just wanna sleep so bad." you groan softly as you move to lay back down, curling into the crook of his arm, your own arm draped across his stomach. you nuzzled your face into his side before muttering, "how was the studio?"

you yawn as you nuzzle closer to him, humming again as his hands rub up and down your back, "it was good. got a lot done.. looking at a release about two months down the line, at least we hope." he whispers softly between each kiss he places on your face and he moves to hover over you.

he smiles softly as your eyes slide shut and he begins to places kisses over your face before drawing down onto your jaw, "what are you doing, bee?" your voice is soft, almost like a purr as he kisses under your jaw and then under your chin.

"loving on my partner," he hums against your neck as he places a few kisses there, drawing back up to nip at your earlobe, earning a giggle from you--it always makes you giggle, and he knows that. he trails back down, kissing over your throat.

"why?" you question with a slight 'mm' following, your fingers finding purchase into the mop of frizzy curls on his head, sifting through them and playing with them.

"because.." he drawls out as he rests his hands on your sides, lips brushing over your collarbone, two kisses placed before he moves up to your shoulders, "you need a distraction. and my kisses are always the answer."

he shines a cocky grin to you before moving to pepper soft kisses on your upper arm, moving down onto your wrist and then your palm and fingertips. he's never skimpy with his kisses and now is no exception. he repeats the same pattern but on your other arm just a moment later.

"are they?" you smirk playfully, it isn't that much of a smirk, it's more like a small quirk of the lips but it's enough to get your point across. he moves to lift your shirt slightly, a line of kisses from your sternum down onto your belly. you feel him smirk against your stomach before he peppers kisses all over it, using his fingers to tickle at your sides. you curl over him, giggling and laughing, breathing out light no's and stop's, all through happy breaths.

"wiiiill!" you giggle through heavy breaths as he keeps kissing and tickling, his own smile wide and giggles of his own matching yours and slipping past his lips.

"what?" he quips, smirk evident as he lifts his head, fingers stopping their attack on your sides and lips no longer pressed on your belly.

"why'd you tickle me?" you ask with a playful pout and he crawls up and over you, pressing his forehead against yours as he rests his hands on either side of your head.

"do you feel better?" he asks softly, a gentle kiss to your nose placed the moment he finishes speaking.

"yes?" your tone is curious as you tilt your head to the side, your hands resting on his waist as he keeps himself above you.

"good." he smiles softly as he gently places his weight on you, his hand under your head in your hair, massaging at your scalp as they sift between strands of your hair.

"you didn't tell me why-" your tone is determined as you speak and your fingers play with his hair. he chuckles at your insistence as he shakes his head lightly, letting it fall to your shoulder.

"I did it to distract you, and it worked, did it not?" he asks almost rhetorically as he turns over onto his back, letting you lay on top of him. you yawn and begin to cuddle closer, nuzzling in the way you always do before you intend to sleep, "let's get you changed and then you can sleep, okay, baby?" he speaks softly, placing a kiss to your temple before helping you to sit up.

"do I have to?" you ask softly, getting up off the bed and walking over to the dresser. you're up before he is and he huffs at how quickly you moved, having wanted to do it for you. so he meets you over at the dresser, stopping your hands from reaching into thr drawers. you let out a dramatic whine as he points back at the bed with a soft glare of 'get back in bed'.

you made your way, begrudgingly, back to bed, settling for sitting on the edge as you watched him grab an old sweatshirt of his and some sleep pants you always found comfort in.

"yes, you have to get dressed," his response was a bit delayed but the sentiment still stood as he walked over to the bedside, and knelt before you.

"may I?" he asks softly as his fingers find purchase at the bottom hem of your shirt and you nod. he lifts the shirt up over your head and puts it aside, helping you put on the sweatshirt in place of it. he rests his hands on your sides for a moment afterward, and he places a soft kiss to your chin before helping you with your pants. the same routine of 'may I?' with a nod from you after.

once you're all changed he scoops you up and throws you both into the bed together, pulling the blankets up over you both as you settle in one another's arms.

wilbur pushes a few strands of hair out of your face before dropping his hand to rest on your cheek, smiling softly as he places a kiss to your forehead.

"sleep?"

"sleep." he answers with a kiss to your lips. its soft, sweet and short but it's nice after a very long day for you both.

"goodnight, bee." you mumble as you cuddle closer to him, humming to yourself as your arms wrap around him.

"goodnight, my sweet."

his hands run over your back as he continues to place kisses all over your face, he's slow and careful with each one as they become far and few between with every second. sleep begins to enrapture you both and before you're out, a final few mumbles of promises are whispered.

“(Y/n).”

You don’t look away from the sky, the bleeding colors of the sunset dull in comparison to the flashing colors of fire behind your eyes. You can smell the smoke clinging to his clothes as he gets closer. It burns your nose, makes your chest ache as a fresh wave of pain sweeps through you.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” You ask quietly, voice like a broken set of bells.

Jasper sets his jaw, looking down at his hands. He nods slowly, an unfamiliar lump forming in his throat. He’s never felt guilty for following orders, he always thought it was for the best, that Maria knew better than the rest of them.

But then you look at him, your eyes swimming with tragedy, and it makes something inside of him ache. There’s no anger, no hatred, like he expected, just an ocean of grief.

 It clogs your throat, burns behind your eyes, leaves you shaking. You rest on the edge of tears, suffocating in that horrible, sinking feeling, but always unable to cry. And you hate it. You hate it. You hate it. It’s like walking a tightrope, always off balance, yet never falling.

But you shatter when a hand rests gently on your shoulder.

A dry, ugly sob breaks past your lips as you turn into Jasper’s body. He curls his arms around you wordlessly, wishing he could hold all your pieces together. And even though his hands are the ones that did it, even though you know he’ll have to do it again and again and again, you can’t help but soak up every ounce of comfort from his rare embrace.

Slowly the sadness lifts, until it's bearable, not crushing you but not completely gone. His ability. Usually you’d scold him, tell him your emotions are yours for a reason, but right now all you can do is hold onto him tighter.

He’s all you have left, now.

Something changed after that night. You and Jasper got even closer. He protected you and was your rock when Maria turned your ability into a weapon. And on nights when she would go hunting alone, the two of you would perch on the roof of the barn and just look at the stars, talking about anything and everything. 

You loved hearing stories of his human life. He would tell you about his time in the army, about the pressure he faced to join when he got old enough. His family didn’t have much, especially after the war started. You could tell he loved them, just by the soft smile he would get any time he talked about them.

You would take turns sharing stories. You told him about your siblings and their mischievous games. You were the oldest, so it often rested on you to watch over them, which usually ended with you covering up their shenanigans. You loved it though, taking care of them, teaching them.

That urge was still somewhere deep inside you, a motherly instinct you can’t quite shake. It made it all the more difficult to distance yourself from the fresh newborns in the coven. Before, you would take them in, calm them down, make sure they had something to drink to ease the pain of their thirst.

You couldn’t experience that again, though. That loss. So you kept your distance, spending most of your time with Jasper anyways. The man’s threatening aura kept most of them away. 

Except one. 

A newborn, a little too confident, a little too high on his new strength, decided he just couldn’t leave you alone. For the most part, you ignored him. In your human life, you dealt with more than enough  unwanted attention, so you thought you were used to it. He was as stubborn as he was arrogant though.

Until Jasper nearly killed him for making a move on you (a little too aggressively).

Luckily Maria wasn’t there for that.

“Are you alright?” Jasper ushers you outside, red eyes frantically scanning over you, as if you could be battered and bruised. 

“I’m fine, Jas,” you breathe, brushing the dust from your pants, “I’m more worried about that guy you just ripped the arm off of.”

“I should’ve killed him for touchin’ you.”

You glance at him, amusement quickly replacing the mild panic that filled you the moment that man laid his hands on you, “You know you wouldn’t. Maria would get angry if you did that.”

Jasper’s lips draw into a thin line. It shouldn’t matter. You’re the only one who treats him like he’s still human, his only friend. He wants to say that he will always protect you, even if he has to fight Maria herself. But the words don’t come. Deep down, a part of him knows they aren’t true, and that leaves behind a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Don’t look like that.” He blinks when you touch his cheek, your fingers soft and light, unlike Maria’s. You smile at him, just as gently, voice resigned, “I know how you think, Jasper Hale. You’re a loyal man, and that’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

As you say it, a sadness wraps around you, one that Jasper doesn’t understand. It doesn’t match your smile, or the soft creasing of your eyes as you look up at him. Why does it make you so sad?

You don’t let the feeling linger though, reigning it in the moment you notice the slight furrow of his brow he sometimes gets when he is trying to focus on your emotions. You don’t need him figuring out why. Why his loyalty to Maria makes your chest ache so painfully.

Falling in love with Jasper Hale was as easy as breathing, which says something considering you don’t even need to. Behind the tough, military face of his, was a man who was charismatic and gentle, who liked to laugh and remembered the name of every horse he’d ever ridden. 

He was loyal to a fault.

That’s why he could not see Maria’s true nature for the longest time. It became clear to you rather quickly once you got closer with Jasper. Close enough that she took notice. Close enough that she decided to do something about it.

It started with small things.

Whenever you would go to talk to Jasper, she would call him over for something unimportant.

She started sending you on little tasks, just to keep you out of the barn.

Even on the days she would go hunting, the days you looked forward to most because you and Jasper could be completely alone, she started taking Jasper with her.

And each time, she would give you one of those vicious smiles. Like she won. It did not take long to realize it was all on purpose. In her own way, she was telling you loud and clear that she wanted you nowhere near Jasper and anytime you tried, she’d be there to show you just how little you mattered.

What hurt most, though, was how Jasper always listened to her. Every time, he would follow after her like a good soldier, casting you a guilty look over his shoulder. You didn’t blame him though. You couldn’t. Not when you knew the alternative.

So you got used to being alone for the first time in your life. The sadness, the one that Jasper kept at bay all that time, slowly crept back in, filling every nook and cranny of your being. Day after day, it got harder to stay, to listen to Maria’s direction. Even when you did listen, she treated you like a pest, contempt burning in her eyes. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to leave though. The thought alone made your heart ache, because that would mean leaving Jasper. No amount of distance could dampen those feelings that came so quickly. They were branded in your heart, a part of you now and probably forever. A simple look from him and you would resign yourself all over again to stay. 

Even if it got you killed.

Some days were too hard though, watching him follow on Maria’s heel, doing all she asked. It had been months since you talked, actually talked. Months since you heard him laugh or felt the comfort of his touch, no matter how small it was. And it hurt.

The pain made it hard to drink. You’d go weeks without blood, finding the burn of the hunger was better than the empty feeling in your chest. It made you weak, your skin turning almost translucent, the circles under your eyes growing darker and darker.

Jasper hated it. He had to watch as you fell into depression, your emotions like a dark cloud around you, so strong even the newborns walked on eggshells around you. He hated it, yet he could never do anything about it.

He wasn’t as oblivious as you thought him to be. He was aware of Maria’s resentment towards you. Jasper knew that if he showed his concern, even an inkling of it, she would lash out at you. At least by her side, he could temper her emotions and protect you.

His efforts could only go so far, though.

As you grew weaker, your ability weakened as well. And Maria noticed.

You wanted her to notice. 

Leaving wasn’t an option, but the pain of staying was becoming too much for you to bear. Death seemed like the only way out of this eternally lonely existence. You just hoped Jasper wouldn’t have to be the one to do it.

Maria never liked the easy way, though. Loyalty must be proven.

You felt it as soon as you stepped foot outside the barn one night. The air was warm and dark clouds covered the sky, blocking out any light. Something sank in your gut and you just knew.

If you were going to die, you were at least going to die somewhere you could be surrounded by good memories. So you trekked to the hill where you first stood with Jasper, the one where you spent many nights watching the stars, and that’s exactly where he found you.

You perch yourself on a rock, watching as lightning flashes in the clouds. The air is heavy with static, but not a single drop of rain falls. It’s like the world can’t decide how it feels, a mess of storms not ready to break, but needing to, the tension rising and rising. Until something gives.

You hear Jasper before you see him. His steps are uncharacteristically heavy, the brush whispering as he walks through it. The air grows impossibly heavier when he comes to an abrupt stop just feet away from you.

It’ll be quick, you think. You hardly have the strength to keep yourself upright, the burning in your throat like hot coals. With what energy you have left, you keep your chin up and slowly turn your gaze away from the clouds to the man behind you.

And you smile. Because it’s Jasper. Your Jasper. Looking just as broken as the first night you stood by him. 

Jasper’s knees practically buckle when you look at him, a wave of fondness warming the air around you. How can you still feel such a thing for him? After all he has done. You must know why he’s here. He doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve the trust in your eyes.

“Don’t look like that,” you murmur, smile going sad. You can’t stand the guilt twisting those features you love so much. 

Jasper shakes his head, teeth gritting together so hard, his jaw creaks. He doesn’t want this. He can’t. Not with you looking at him like he’s hung the moon. No fear, no hatred. You should despise him.

“It’s not your fault,” you whisper, as if hearing his thoughts.

“Darlin’-” 

He chokes on all the words he wants to say, everything he’s been waiting to say. How he wishes you could see the ocean, like you’ve always wanted. How he wants to be right there with you, just to see the way your eyes light up. How his eternal life finally seemed to have meaning when he met you.

“It’s okay, Jasper. I’m okay.” You reach for him, wanting nothing more than to just take his distress away. That’s all you’ve ever wanted. He gives in, allows you to take his hand, pull him closer. For you, he convinces himself, despite the selfish comfort he finds in your touch. “I know it’s not your decision. This has nothing to do with you,” you hesitate, squeezing his hands softly with a sad smile, “but I’m glad I got to talk to you one last time, at least. It’s not so scary if it’s you.”

“Stop.” His voice cracks like thunder, desperation bleeding into his eyes.

But there’s one last thing you need to say.

“I love you.”

Your eyes drift shut and you tilt your face back to the sky.

A drop of rain traces down your cheek.

Now you’re ready.

“I can’t.”

What?

You peek your eyes open, looking on in shock as Jasper kneels in front of you, face set in the most determined look you’ve ever seen. What’s happening?

“I can’t hurt you. I won’t,” he declares, red eyes set on you without a hint of hesitation.

You gape at him, head suddenly spinning, “But Maria-”

“I won’t let her hurt you either.”

“But Jasper- How- What-”

“Run away with me.”

You blink. And blink. And blink. If you had a working heart, it would be beating out of your chest at this point. Has he lost his mind?

“We’ll go to the States, to the ocean just like you want, leave all this behind.” The words spill out of him, the dam finally broken. Each word makes your eyes go wider, the sadness receding as hope sparks in your chest. “Please, darlin’. Give me a chance to make you happy.”

“Oh, Jasper.” You touch his face, drawing him just close enough to press a kiss to his forehead. Jasper’s eyes flicker shut, your love washing over him like the rain. Your next words seal the rest of your eternity, “You’ve always made me happy. We can go anywhere. As long as I’m with you, I’ll be the happiest woman in the world.”

And for the first time in forever, that smile slants over his lips, bright and warm and gorgeous.

You missed that smile so much.

That night, the two of you disappeared into the storm. You don’t know if Maria ever searched for you. If she did, she never found you.

Jasper kept his word. As soon as you crossed the border, you traveled to the west coast. You saw the ocean, which was more than you ever expected it to be, and that’s where you stayed for a while. Until you met the Cullens, at least.

You were nervous at first. Large covens were rare outside of the armies, so you didn’t trust them at first. There was no way you’d do that ever again. But you missed having a family, and looking at them, you couldn’t help but want for what they seemed to have.

“What do you think, Jas?” You ask your mate as you curl into his side.

He wraps an arm around you, lips pressing against your forehead softly, “Whatever you want, darlin’. They’re intentions seem honorable.”

“Would you be okay going vegetarian, though?” You love the idea. It’s always bothered you, having to kill innocent humans. Even feeding from the bad ones leaves a bad taste in your mouth. 

“I’ll manage,” Jasper chuckles, eyes creasing.

“And the moving around?”

“We already do that, sugar.”

“Oh yah.” The Cullens move around far less than you, actually. You can’t believe they can stay in the same place for months, years even. The thought fills you with anticipation. Maybe you could finally settle down and have a normal life with Jasper.

“Maybe we could get a dog,” you hum, a slow smile spreading across your lips.

Jasper snorts, drawing you closer to press a kiss to your temple. You glance up at him, eyes bright with unrestrained excitement. And just like that, it’s decided.

“Let’s join them.”

“Alright! Oh! We could call him Cowboy! Can you imagine it? Cowboy the dog. It’d be perfect.”

“Anythin’ you want, darlin’.”

And that’s how you ended up with the Cullens.

---

“...wow.”

You grin at Bella, “I know, it’s a lot. But it all worked out for the best! I can’t imagine my life any different.”

“And I can’t imagine my life without you.” Your smile goes even wider when a familiar pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind.

You look over your shoulder at your mate, eyes practically lighting up with affection, “Good, cause you’d be hard pressed to get rid of me at this point.”

Bella watches the small interaction, surprised to see the blond vampire without his usual stoic facade. He’s like a completely different person, practically melting into your touch, and smiling. Actually smiling. And you look just as lovestruck.

“You guys make a cute couple,” she says, feeling a bit awkward when you turn your gaze back to her.

“Thanks Bells. You and Eddie make just as cute of one. I can’t wait to go to your wedding.”

The brunette flushes what must be the darkest shade of red possible, successfully mimicking a cherry. She shuffles away with some muttered excuse, and you can’t hold back a giggle.

“You’re evil, darlin’,” Jasper murmurs, shaking his head.

You flip around in his hold, arms wrapping around his neck, “What! You know it’s going to happen. Edward’s completely smitten with that girl.”

“Still doesn’t mean you have to torture the poor thing,” he chastises, though he can’t hide the mirth in his tone.

“Fine. I guess I can take it easy on her,” you sigh dramatically, earning another chuckle from your mate.

“That’s my girl.”

You tuck yourself into his chest, hiding a truly ecstatic smile in his jacket. To this day, you still can’t believe that this is your life.

You really wouldn’t change anything about it. Not the bad things, not the start, none of it. You like to think your love is stronger because of it. And it will only continue to grow stronger every day for the rest of your eternity together.

You can’t wait to see where the two of you go.

---

This was not meant to get so edgy, but here we are. I never really know what I'm writing until it's finished.

He might have caught on before you could think of hiding it, though. Stubbornly, you press on, giving him a nod and stretching up onto your toes to press a chaste kiss to his cheek.

“Everything perfect now that you’re here,” you throw out the cheesy line, which seems to be enough to distract him.

Jasper shakes his head, but an amused smirk pulls at the corner of his lips.

“So, are you going to walk me to class, cowboy?” You ask, closing your locker after you grab the books you need.

“It’d be my pleasure, ma’am.”

Your heart melts at his words, and your smile shifts into a soft grin as the blond loops your arm through his and takes your books. Such a gentleman. And lucky for you, all his previous concerns have disappeared. Hopefully you can keep it that way for the rest of the day.

It’s a mostly well-hidden secret you keep from the vampire coven. Ironically, Bella is the only one who knows about it, your insomnia. On a normal day, you can function well enough and get through school with little issue, but recently it’s been worse. Last night was particularly bad, and by that you mean you didn’t sleep at all.

You just don’t want Jasper or the others to find out about it. Not because you don’t trust them, or it’s some big, bad secret, of course. You just…You already feel so weak compared to them and all their amazing powers. You don’t feel the need to add to that, or worry them.

So, one day of hiding your fatigue isn’t too hard.

A week later, however, you feel like you’re falling apart at the seams.

You’re sitting in history class, trying to listen to whatever your teacher is saying about the civil war, and then the next moment, you’re jolting awake to the school bell. The shrill ringing sends pulses of pain through your head. They crash on you like waves, and you can’t breathe, can’t even open your eyes without nausea sweeping through you.

“Are you alright, Miss (L/n)?”

Vaguely, you can hear your teacher’s voice, but he sounds miles away. It feels like there’s cotton stuffed into your ears, which somehow makes the ringing in your head even louder. Despite the pain, and the sudden urge to throw up, you nod your head and slowly shuffle out of the room. Out of the room and into the loud, loud hallway.

“Hey (Y/n)!”

You flinch. Why are they screaming right in your ear? Everything in slow motion, you turn, eyes squinted but unable to make out the blurry figure jumping in front of you. Why are they moving so slow? Or are you moving slow? Why can’t you see their face?

The nausea comes crashing back over you, and you have to press a hand against the nearest wall to keep yourself upright. The person, you assume you know them, asks you something. What are they saying? The words mix and blend, getting lost and muffled in the cotton. Brow furrowed, you try to get them to repeat themselves, but your tongue feels heavy in your mouth, like sand. You press a hand to your forehead, the pounding becoming more like someone taking a hammer to your skull. Everything feels so heavy, so loud, so…so…

Your head hits the tile before you can hear the surprised shrieks ringing through the hall.

---

Jasper jerks when he hears a loud scream sound from another hall across the school.

“What was that?” Alice asks, earning a few weird looks from the passing students. They hadn’t heard it, of course.

The blond vampire shrugs, but something uneasy starts to build in his chest. An accident on school grounds could mean blood, and losing control here would be a one way ticket to leaving Forks, leaving you. He can’t bear the thought.

“Should we go check it out?” Alice looks at him, gold eyes gleaming with concern. The same thoughts are running through her mind.

“No,” Jasper says tightly, lips pursed.

The ravenette nods in agreement, so the two continue towards their class. The uneasiness doesn’t go away, though. All Jasper can think about is you, where you might be, if you’re okay. You’d been acting strange the past week, and it only makes it worse that he can’t seem to get a grip on your emotions. It’s like you’re hiding them from him. That in itself worries him, but he trusts you, knows you’ll talk to him if you want to. He won’t push. Yet.

Jasper tries to put these thoughts out of his head as their algebra class starts. Though he doesn’t need to focus in the class (they had taken it several times at this point), keeping appearances is important to the Cullens. It is difficult though when images of you flitter through his head each time the teacher starts to drone.

Things come to an abrupt halt when the door flies open. Everyone jumps in their seats when it slams loudly against the wall.

Alice and Jasper exchange a look when Edward appears at the front, offering a sheepish smile before quickly talking to the teacher in a hushed voice. One only the vampires and he can hear.

“Jasper Hale and Alice Cullen have been requested at the office. There’s been an…incident,” Edward says in a calm, smooth voice. The teacher doesn’t even question him, just gestures for the pair to go.

“What’s going on, Edward?” Alice demands once they reach the hall. There were no visions, nothing about an accident with the family, so she feels horribly caught off guard.

Jasper walks a few paces ahead of his siblings, overwhelmed by the concern and shock rolling off of Edward. It’s not like him to project his emotions so loudly, and it sets the blond on edge. If he was feeling uneasy before, now he’s on the brink of panic. Had something happened to Bella? Was it good idea for him to be here if so?

“Bella is fine,” Edward assures him from behind, a hint of hesitation creeping into his voice as he continues, “It’s…It’s (Y/n).”

Jasper stops dead in his tracks. He whips around, wide eyes ablaze.

Both his siblings take a step back, unfamiliar with the wild, unbridled look on the blond. His careful composure is cracking. Things are different with you, they always have been. Despite having the ability to sense and influence emotions, Jasper struggles to contain himself when it comes to you. Everyone felt the shift when they met you. They had all been ecstatic to see Jasper’s more reserved nature slip away around you, but they never considered what else that could entail.

“She’s okay, Jasper,” Edward is quick to try and calm him, “She’s just resting in the nurse’s off-”

In the blink of an eye, he’s gone. Off to find you.

“You probably should have waited on that detail,” Alice murmurs, a touch of amusement in her words, “It’s nice to see how much he cares about her, though.”

Edward nods, but he can’t ward off the concern that pulls his lips into a thin line. Alice puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing softly before giving him a tug towards the office.

“Let’s go,” she insists, “and tell me what happened on the way, okay?”

---

You’re just waking up when Jasper rushes into the room. In less than a second, he is kneeling at your side, jaw clenched, eyes scanning every inch of you for injuries.

“Hey Jazz,” you croak, throat dry and scratchy.

Those wild amber eyes finally meet yours, and it feels like a punch to the gut, worse than the headache still clinging to you. They are filled to the brim with untamed concern and glazed over with exhaustion. But he can’t get tired. The thought makes you cringe. You did this, he’s feeling your emotions. Why did you let it get this far?

The building distress quickly fizzles out, replaced by a warmth, a sense of contentment. It’s unnatural, certainly Jasper’s gift, but you close your eyes anyways and let it take over. It is a welcomed break from the torrent you’ve been living through.

“Sorry if I scared you,” you break the small silence building between you, peaking an eye open to look at him again, “Guess the cat’s out of the bag, huh?”

Jasper nods curtly, but doesn’t say anything. You take that as the sign to keep talking. He deserves an explanation.

Starting with a deep breath, you hesitantly begin, “Well…I have insomnia. I um, it’s hard to fall asleep sometimes, and when I do, it’s hard to stay asleep.” You chew on your bottom lip. It almost sounds ridiculous, it’s like you don’t know how to sleep. You basically don’t. “You could say I’m going through a rough patch right now.”

One of Jasper’s hands covers yours, which you were fiddling with. His fingers interlace with yours gently, thumb smoothing over your knuckles.

“Darlin’...when was the last time you slept?”

It takes you a moment to think. Whenever things get bad, your memory is the first thing to go in the trash.

“Probably like, I mean, if we’re talking a decent amount of sleep, that was probably, probably a week ago?”

Jasper takes in a deep breath, jaw clenching once again. His grip on your hand tightens, not enough to hurt, but enough for you to know he’s distressed.

“I’m okay, though, I’ve been dealing with this for years,” you smile at him softly in reassurance.

Exhaustion is slowly creeping back towards you, tugging at your mind like an annoying little tick you can’t get rid of. He must notice too, because he suddenly looks around for a nurse, one of which is standing near the doorway to keep an eye on the two of you.

“May I take her home? She’ll be needin’ some rest after all of this.”

The nurse seems to hesitate, but you notice a small shift in her expression before she offers a warm smile and concedes, “Of course, hun. Make sure she gets home safe, we’ll give her parents a call.”

You go to get up, but are denied the chance to stand when Jasper quickly sweeps you up bridal style. A squeak escapes your parted lips, all the while a small grin tugs at the blond’s lips. You cling to his shoulders, squirming slightly, but his grip just tightens.

“I can walk on my own, you know,” you grumble and hit his chest weakly, “Don’t go to any trouble for me.”

The small twitch of his lips turns into one of his fully cocked smirks and he raises a brow at you, “Trust me, darlin’, it’s no trouble. If you don’t recall, I’m stronger than I look.”

You pout at the smugness in his voice. Stupid vampire. Stupid super strength. And he totally used his gift to convince that nurse to let you go. If you had any energy left, you’d probably find something snide to say, but all you want to do is curl into his cool embrace and fall asleep. Just one full night of sleep.

“Is she okay?”

Alice?

“You gave us a real fright, girlie.”

Yep, that’s Alice.

You offer an embarrassed smile, “Sorry, things got a bit out of hand, I guess.”

“You passed out in the hall.”

And Edward, of course. Makes sense how they found out now.

“I’m taking (Y/n) home so she can rest,” Jasper is quick to explain, “You two can head back to class.”

You hear a snort from your best friend, but she doesn’t pose an argument. She must be worried too, but it would look weird for her to leave. It’s bad enough that you’re dragging Jasper out. It’s a relief he offered though. Because there’s no way you could get home without a car, since both your parents are working.

“Can we um, can we take it slow, Jazz? Kinda nauseous,” you grumble, burying your face in his sweater.

“Of course, darlin’.” He presses his lips to your hair and the journey starts.

You let your eyes close, equal parts lulled and dizzied by the steady sway of Jasper’s steps. Despite taking it slow, it still feels like you reach your home in no time. When you open your eyes next, you’re right in front of your house. Jasper silently asks for your keys. You fish them from your pocket with trembling fingers. He glides into the house, kicking the door shut behind him as he carries you to your bedroom. With a gentleness beyond human, the blond settles you down on the bed.

You curl up under your comforter as he proceeds to speed around, gathering everything you could possibly need. Food, water, extra blankets. You wouldn’t think based on the way he presents himself that Jasper is actually the biggest, softest teddy bear. You don’t think you’ve met a kinder soul.

When everything is in its place, Jasper settles down on the edge of the bed. He glances around, as if looking for something he can do. You reach out to grab the hem of his sweater, bringing those gold eyes down to you.

“Can you stay? Cuddle?” You mumble with your best puppy dog eyes.

Jasper smiles softly, not one of his smirks or fanged grins, just one of his smiles that he reserves just for you, “Why, of course. Anything for you, darlin’.”

The blond slips under the blankets and leans against the backboard, shifting so you can curl into him, head on his lap. The exhaustion that has been lurking around you seems to be just on the edge, so close to letting you sleep, but something in your chest won’t settle. Him being here helps. You feel safer when he’s next to you. It feels like you didn’t even know the meaning of peace until you met Jasper.

The vampire senses the quick succession of your emotions. He tenderly threads his fingers through your hair and focuses on detangling the strands as he does the same to your emotions. For each one, he replaces them with something comforting to help you sleep. Safety, love, everything warm.

You melt into Jasper, the ache in your chest finally easing. 

“I love you,” you all but whisper, eyes fluttering closed.

He leans over, pressing one final kiss to your forehead. His lips brush your skin as he murmurs, “I love you too, now get some sleep.”

You giggle sleepily and bury your face back into his lap. The feeling of his fingers in your hair slowly lulls you to sleep, one you willingly give in to. And for the first time in a week, you stay asleep. All thanks to a certain Jasper Whitlock.

---

You and your boyfriend had gone to sleep a bit earlier then usual, since you had commented on being quite tired from the long day you had. It was currently 2 am and the room was fully dark and silent. The only noise to be heard was the soft breathing coming from Wilford, who was sleep peacefully beside you.

You on the other hand, were jerked awake by a sudden pain in your stomach. Looking over to check the time, you felt something strange in your PJ bottoms.

'No no no no, not now! Please not now!' You thought as panic filled your body. You sat up and noticed the still wet blood stain on your pants, bed sheet, blanket and a bit on Wilfords pants. You felt tears gather in your eyes, some beginning to fall. You went to go get up and change but you felt arms wrap around your waist.

"Wilford, let go." He grumbled as a response.

"Wilford please, I need to get up." Your voice was shaking a bit. He moved to get up slowly but jumped when he felt the wet spot.

"What the-" he stopped when he saw you. Your tear stained face shining in the moonlight and a hand trying to cover it. He quickly understood what happened.

"Oh my Darling. It's alright. Everythings gonna be fine." Quiet sobs started to escape your lips. He hugged you and stroked your back.

"It's alright, we can take care of it."

"I got blood on the bed."

"I know. It's alright."

"And on you."

"I know."

"And on me." Your voice was soft, he wouldn't be able to hear you if he wasn't so close.

"How about this, I will start the tub for you. You can rummage throught my closet and pick what you want. I'll take care of the bed and then join you in the tub. Would that be alright?" You nodded and started to walk over to the closet but stopped after a few steps.

"I feel so gross!" You cried. He moved quickly to your side to give you comfort.

"No no no. What happened here is natural. Everyone goes through this at one point or another." You nod and walk to the closet. You pull off your pants on the way there. Not able to deal with the feeling of knowing what happened.

When you've picked out the clothes and walk to the bathroom, the tub is filled with bubbles and a really good scent is filling the room.

Wilford turns off the water and stands beside you.

"You can hop on in. I will be back in a few minutes."

He removes the blankets, sheets and puts new ones on. He changes his clothes and pick yours up and then throws all of it in the washer before heading to the kitchen.

He scans through all the cabinets and fridge, finding food and drinks that you enjoy.

He brings them upstairs with him and pops into the bathroom. He finds you almost sleep but you wake up when you notice he brought food.

He sits right outside the tub helping you with the food and drinks until almost all of it is gone.

"Okay Darling. I think it's time for us to sleep. Let's get you out of the tub." He helps you up and helps you dry off. He grabs the products you need and leaves them on the sink before heading out the room. He grabs you some medicine incase you are in any kind of pain. He sits on the bed and soon you join him.