scrappy doo is a dilf

[tweet reading: Everything I say is a joke Unless you agree And in that case Speak to me privately I have even crazier ideas /end ID]

If i was a cop i would be drinking in my cruiser all day. #protectandswerve

Wow you really have to get a running start to scroll past these ads

also literally fucked a man so hard yesterday that today i found pieces of my bed on the floor

I read this too fast and thought it said “pieces of him on the floor”

“I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy” I would, next

My coffee maker is such a faggot. Every time I use it it whines and moans and groans and pisses all over the place

i think they're called baristas

I couldn’t be a 911 operator because I’d start crying and screaming right along with you like omfg girl what the hell are you gonna do now.

Baby shoes for sale theylook gay

I do love when two very fucked up people are in very fucked up love with each other

the king picked the guy with skull shoulderpads for the court magician job, which is exciting