Yes, your dentist can absolutely tell if you masturbated at home before your appointment. And in fact, a shower and change of clothes does little to hide this. The best step forward is to apologize to your dentist for masturbating.

- mockup of results from my new search engine called "Google OCD"

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

i’d love the opportunity to fumble you catastrophically

[suddenly disillusioned] my illusions..

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped

Who was everyone's like first fictional/cartoon crush??

Girl whose most frequent mistake is inaction voice: wow I keep making mistakes I better not do anything

people are always saying "ive never met someone like you before" because im the first brunette with bangs

mutuals we've known each other for so long and I'm ready to meet your parents.