"Expectation is the root of all heartache."

I’m looking for things I’ll never find

You’ll never love me, that’s a fact

I wish you never had an impact

I know you’ll leave and just go

It will forever hurt me so

I knew it couldn’t last forever.

Although to you, it’s so whatever

I wish I could be as dismissive

But my heart was too submissive.

I have so many reminders, it’s hard to let it go.

I don’t think you understand what you actually meant to me.

I’m really trying not to care and just live my life free.

I take a deep breath and smile, sometimes I don’t know how.

I know I can move on someday, just not right now.

I’ve got so many problems and they all start with loose ends.

That only with one, you couldn’t hide.

The lies, the deception, the lack of trust.

Only for you to be left out to adjust.

Sick to your stomach you continue to hope.

Washing your sins, scrubbing with soap

All of the times he touched your skin

Forget that now, let the healing begin.

It’s time to move on, he’s already gone

The battle lines have been drawn.

Nothing will be as it was before

Oh my darling, it’s time for war.

Emptiness filled my body.

My hearts shattered.

The glimmer of hope.

Of something real.

Gone with a few words.

I told you it was okay and I was fine.

I lied.

But you’ll never know.

And I’ll never forget.

A turn of your face, and I realized.

The shadow of something all too familiar.

The shadow of something I had thought was over.

It turned my stomach.

I thought I’d be sick.

Never again would you be my pick.

Just like that my feelings were over.

I never though that would be my closure.

All the words she let them linger.

On her tongue, never set free.

In her mind where they should be.

It’s driving her mad, can’t you tell?

One look in her eye, and all is well.

She keeps it hidden so forcefully, the things that we will never see.

She’s a master in the worst of ways, hiding herself and draining away.

“Not today” she said.

Not today.

And never again.