Redefine Beauty

And if this month feels more complicated than celebratory for you, I hope you know that you are not alone in that.

For some people, Pride is joy, community, and finally feeling seen. For others, it is a reminder of everything they still cannot say out loud, every part of themselves they have had to hide, every conversation they are not ready for, every place where safety and authenticity still feel impossible to have at the same time.

Maybe you are questioning. Maybe you know exactly who you are but do not have the freedom to express it. Maybe you are grieving years spent trying to become someone else. Maybe you are watching people celebrate openly while wondering when, or if, that will ever be possible for you.

Whatever your relationship with Pride is, I hope you are gentle with yourself this month. There is no deadline for self-discovery, no minimum amount of confidence required to belong, and no version of queerness that is more deserving of love, community, or acceptance than another.

And if all you can do right now is quietly exist, quietly learn about yourself, quietly hold onto the hope that one day life will feel bigger and safer than it does today, that is enough.

You do not have to be loud to belong here. You do not have to have everything figured out. You do not have to become more palatable, more certain, or more courageous before you deserve happiness.

I hope this month brings you moments that remind you there is nothing wrong with who you are, and that somewhere out there is a future where you do not have to choose between being yourself and being safe, where your identity is not something you have to defend, explain, or apologize for, but simply a part of you that is loved as naturally as the rest.

"Sorry, I don't mean to offend--"

Which of course, I brace for hell, since he is around 60, and i am a gangly cryptid that people usually struggle only to find the right slur to apply to. But i dutifully keep my work voice and go "nah nah, don't worry, what can I do?"

He hits me with "Are you--uh, I've been saying 'thank you ma'am' but are you... okay with that? What should I call you?"

And i live in a small conservative pocket within one of the most liberal states in the US, so my experience in public is varied. People have guessed, they've gone with she, he. they, they've awkwardly avoided it, but no stranger had ever asked me.

So i panicked and chuckled. This felt kind of like walking into a fake tumblr post. I said "Oh, you can call me whatever you want, its fine."

Any cis person would probably sound a little insulted. i knew i was confirming some kind of gender fuckery, but giving him the out that he didn't have to change anything. Fucker kindly smiles though, and like. Pounces. Asks, much more confidently, "But would you prefer sir? What are your pronouns?"

He's on script now, I'm astral projecting to a different plane where i'm a bug on a well lit microscope and my throat's a little tight all the sudden. I say, "Oh. I uh--I use they/them."

I use they or he, but 'they' is the language curveball. I know this, which is why i usually just let people use whatever. He nods, and I choke out (because its been a bad bad day, autoimmune flare pain on top of record high patient numbers) "Thanks. No one... has ever asked me. Have a good day."

He told me the same, I booked it, because the dim room was hiding watery eyes but not for much longer. Got it together in a nearby closet (ha) and moved on.

Came back later on in the evening because I had promised to visit when his wife was there earlier in the day. She's sweet, he's sweet, I do my usual spiel, he avoids any 'ma'am' studiously, but on me going to head out again, hits the dilemma of having no polite substitute for 'ma'am' or 'sir' that isnt gendered in some subtle way, and he's fucking trying, but this is not second nature obviously.

So what comes out is "Have a wonderful night, Them!"

Beaming, proud, right next to his extremely confused wife, who he seems to have not outted me to (nice) who now thinks he's probably having a stroke (funny, but not nice lmao)

if you have access to a gym/appropriate facilities:

a LOT of people in the notes vouching for swimming, and it makes sense. not only is it basically zero impact on any of your joints, it engages just about every muscle in your body and it’s actually easier to stay afloat the higher your bodyfat%

stationary bike/elliptical: works for some better than others, but definitely far lower impact than running, usually has adjustable difficulty, and you can watch youtube videos or play games on your phone to pass the time

non stationary bike: the benefits of a stationary bike plus the ability to travel to a location

weight lifting: if you’re a total beginner to exercise this genuinely might be a better place to start than any designated ‘cardio’ activity, it Will get your heart rate up and build strength to do higher impact stuff with less risk, but designing a routine can feel overwhelming without help from a trainer/more experienced lifter

classes: yoga, pilates, dance, kickboxing, spin class, water aerobics, etc. as long as you can find one that accommodates your current fitness level and is a reasonably friendly environment

rowing: i actually know relatively little about rowing, but this has come up in the notes several times and people seem to like it. def seems like a good overall workout with little to no jarring impact

roller derby: definitely less of a Safe Beginner Activity and more ‘form of cardio you can do if you are on the fit side but still hate running’ but has come up in the notes multiple times specifically as a sport where a range of body types can do well

minimal equipment alternatives:

walking: if you have the resources to jog you have the resources to walk, and it really is a good form of exercise that also puts less strain on your joints

dance tutorials: seen a few people recommending these, there’s apparently a huge variety on youtube and you can take things at whatever pace works for you

yoga: also beginner friendly classes on youtube, good way to build up mobility and bodyweight strength

someone in the notes recommended hula hooping?? which actually sounds kind of genius especially if you don’t have a lot of gear or space. also iirc you can buy different weights of hula hoops for reasonably cheap so there’s a way to up the intensity over time

this seems like a decent resource at first glance and i think i saw more than one rec for them

one important thing to remember for anyone out there who’s significantly out of shape and feels overwhelmed is that when it comes to fitness you have one enormous advantage: it is currently EXTREMELY EASY for you to get exercise