goth penguin

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

does the body ALWAYS have to keep the score? maybe we could just have a friendly game this time. maybe we can just have fun without putting numbers on it

Would anyone like to support my life style or am i to freakish and strange

i'm not normally one to make jokes about dialect or accent. but the way that British people pronounce "lieutenant" feels like an in-joke i'm not privy to

Aww, you're feeling lieut out?

yes I DO live under a rock and her name is the Moon and she is always smiling but she teaches me nothing

kind of a milf. reblog

if fallout 76 really is a world where “every character is a real person” & there’s no NPCs im making it my civic duty to be like this lowly tavern barkeep and then once i’ve established enough of a rapport i’m going to nuke all of west virginia and it will be in character 

someone help where’s the screenshot of some post somewhere about the mmo player who barkept for a longass time then fucked absolutely everyone over

let me near your partners. I'm poly but I only have one girlfriend so it's fine, I just like having friends. No yeah don't worry I just enjoy talking to her. yeah we have a weekly hangout thing going on and she does ask to spend time with me on a regular basis beyond that. She does text me about anything important going on in her life but I just like to support her.Oh, right, yes I did say I would like to be her mom to her little alter but it was because she was in a really delicate place and I just wanted to show my commitment to being there for her. Oh, was she blushing a lot while we were on call together? That's so cute, I had no idea!! Hey, honestly, you're really fun to talk to, do you wanna call sometime later? We could start watching something together, I think it'd be lovely to start talking more. Just as friends. :)

snake hrt has completely fucked my venom gland like i cant even paralyze a house shrew anymore its pathetic so i can tell youre faking it like i appreciate it during but theres no need now to tell me how potent my venom is and how you couldnt even move a finger like it still hurts a little of course but i just kinda have to accept it i guess

fuckin hate the binding of isaac because it’s pretty inarguably one of the most influential games of the 21st century but then you actually play it and it’s like Lollll this naked baby is getting attacked by poop

I'm not really feeling "cheesed" to meet you at all, to be honest. And no, it's not on the "mouse", that drink is going to be 14 dollars. Yup. Not my fault, you should've read the drink menu, asshole