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It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

Guilt and shame are NOT the same emotion!

Theyre very similar, but theres a key difference. Guilt comes from an internal source and shame external.

What do I mean? Well, when you feel guilt, its because you've betrayed your own morals. Youve done something you view as bad, and you feel guilty for defying your own moral code.

Shame, however, is external and comes from our individual societies, and has nothing to do with moral codes (in the way guilt does). Shame comes from how OTHERS perceive you. You go to school, and wet yourself, you feel shame because the other kids point and laugh, they think less of you now. You may know it was an accident, and accidents happen, and thats okay! But because other people now think less of you for it, you feel bad.

worth that I learned from my

time in DBT.

Some backgrounds I made for the trailer we did for SOL CESTO

you can watch the trailer here

Like one day, the batfam find a homeless Peter Parker, end up doing a DNA test, and bam, it's Dick's son. He's around 14, and has that same sunny disposition as his father. The Wayne family has grown by one and they couldn't be happier.

Except... Jason has been acting weird lately...

At first, it was a little weird because he had been spending more time around the manor to see Peter. And then he stopped. Completely cut contact out of nowhere. Dick confronts him and finds a 16 year old Danny Phantom hiding behind his brother with the brightest, green eyed glare Dicks ever seen.

A month later a French class visits.

It's their last trip of their middle school year before highschool. 17 year old Damian Wayne walks in with a 12 year old Marinette who's small, nervous, and is so smart she skipped a grade. Damian is happy to announce that he has a new daughter.