Can't Pin Me Down

Of course today is the day that Ben tells me he's leaving felician. I was pretty stunned and I actually started to cry. He was really sweet and told me it wasn't an easy decision for him and was like "lets process how you'll handle this and go from here" and I was like "it doesn't matter, it is what it is" and he's like "well it matters to me" which was nice. Also we were talking about me getting into med school and he said if I needed help I could go see Sharon (other counselor) and I started crying and he was like "tell me what's going on Kristin, why are you crying? Are you sad I'm leaving" and I was like "yes and I'm embarrassed I'm crying" and he was like "you have nothing to be embarrassed about, it's okay." And again he was like "this was really hard for me too, i am really concerned for you and my other clients" and he was saying that he's really concerned about me dealing w my med school stuff and it was really nice. And then my makeup was running and I was like "tell me if my makeup is running bc I don't want it to look bad" and he was like "oh you look terrible" joking which was nice. Idk I'm just really sad I really trust him... and he said he'd let me come an extra 2 weeks instead of just 1 last appointment but he was like "I'll do it just for you, don't tell anyone" and it was kind. I think he was shocked by my reaction honestly he def didn't expect me to cry.

Today (after about a year, with some breaks) of professional help for my mental health, I was able to tell my therapist the big things about me id been withholding (what I'm ashamed of about myself) and it felt really good to tell someone . So that's good