Fries BEFORE Guys.

Funny, one of the people I’ve seen post the flow chart in the above link actually asked me to provide free services in a number of situations where according to this chart I shouldn’t have AND I DID NOT. Because I didn’t I’ve been seen as a bitch or a disloyal. Let me be clear…while this is my business I have a number of people holding me accountable and rightfully so. I cannot and will not use my investors money on sponsorships that are not beneficial to my brand or truly help the community I’m trying to serve. I only provide free services to non-profits and other businesses with values that line up with the values and mission of my business and I do so conservatively. The last time I provided assistance for a “friend” they did not give me credit I let it slide. They then put me up again as someone who would provide free services for the company at which they were an employee. I respectfully declined the offer their boss made (which provided no form of payment). After I respectfully declined via email I took a step back and evaluated my relationship with this “friend”. It hit me that this person truly was a stranger. I decided to distance myself and keep things strictly professional. A few months after that incident they announced they were having another event and were in need of vendors and sponsors. I reached one last time as soon as the call for both was posted. They said “hey thanks for reaching out. I’ll let you know…”. 3 weeks passed and I’d heard nothing. At that point I figured they had gone with someone else. The night before the actual event they reached out and let me know they had gone with someone else. Knowing how this person was reaching and scratching for vendors and sponsors for their last event (up to the night before) made me realize that I was left hanging as an option for free services. I’d had enough. As a worker owned business I am the last person that should be providing free services. I realized the abusive patterns being displayed and I cut this girl loose. I did so respectfully by just getting ghost lol. Don’t get me wrong, I would still say hello when I saw her out and I was still cordial. No friendly phone calls or texts though because in my mind a real friend would not have been disrespectful of my business and I would have been given credit where it was rightfully due.

However shortly after I got ghost she proceeded to bad mouth me! After I discontinued the abusive business relationship. Which looking back I am glad that I have. Her childish behavior in my presence is truly sad and comical at best. She puts all of her insecurities on display and it’s just sad to see a young black woman with so much potential display such pathetic sad behavior. I keep saying sad but that’s the best word to describe it. That level of immaturity is dangerous to have as a business owner. It’s reckless and detrimental to your brand to be so publicly emotional especially in such a small town like Baltimore.

If You Didn’t Love Me Enough Then You Can’t Possibly Love Me Enough Now

I thought for a while about sharing this story on the blog. As open as I tend to be on social media I am typically very private with romantic relationships. I may share a photo of a guy but I don’t change my dating status on FB and I don’t bring guys home to meet my family (even if it’s been years). I try to keep my relationships little worlds of their own involving my significant other and whom we choose to share our world with. It’s worked out best for me and my longer relationships have benefited from the privacy. After a few recent interactions I’ve had with guys from my past I’ve finally decided to share.

Last month my ex made his way over to Baltimore from Cali. More specifically he made a surprise visit to my home. Whenever he realizes the gravity of his actions he makes the grand gesture of flying to Baltimore and showing up at my doorstep. In the past it had been when he’d cheated on me and I’d left him. Or when he first made the decision to move away and we started to drift apart due to the distance. This time around was a bit different….

Just to give a back story, my ex had gotten a job with the LA Clippers and moved away. We tried to stay strong through the distance and did good for a bit. In winter 2012 he came back to the east coast for his birthday and Christmas. We spent time together and with his family during those holidays and then it was time for him to head back to LA. In the new year (2013) we had enough of the distance and we made the decision that I would move to LA. It was a very super secret plan. I didn’t tell my friends or family. I didn’t even tell my job! I used all of my vacation days to plan a “visit” to LA. I transferred my aesthetics licenses and started looking for jobs in Venice Beach. In my mind it would be a trial period to see if that was something I could really do. I wasn’t 100% sure if it was the right thing to do but in my mind it was the natural next step for us. We’d been together for so long….so this is what should happen next right? To make a long story short a few weeks before it was time to head over he gave me a call and told me not to come because he was in love with his coworker. Fast forward a year later (spring 2014) and I find out they are now married.

So, imagine my surprise when last month this now married man showed up at my door. At first I didn’t let him in but over time I broke down and let him in my apartment. We caught up and shared updates about each other’s lives. He said that he came because he missed one of his best friends….me. I then reminded him that he was married to his new best friend lol. He tried to reminisce and I quickly had to put him in his place. I HAD a dating pattern in my more immature years. Ridiculously handsome, overly confident selfish men with a slight god complex. Him being there in front of me put my past dating patterns in my face. I mean he’s fine. 6 foot 4. Great style and smile. But that isn’t enough anymore. I’ve grown out of it for the most part but every once in a while that pattern peaks through and I’ll go on a date or two with a vapid hot guy. (Hey don’t judge, I’m still a sucker for good looks lol) But now that I’m more in touch with myself and what I want out of life, it’s easier to not fall back into destructive habits….like falling for an ex again.

He congratulated me on all if my recent success and told me he was proud of me “I’ve been watching you blossom into the woman I love and that I’d always new you were going to be.”

*PAUSE.*

Woman you LOVE?! Get the fuck out. I’d heard enough. He flew all the way out here to run game and I wasn’t having it. He apologized and said he will always still love me. I apologized and said I had to stop loving him a long time ago because I couldn’t be in love with him and still love myself at the same time. “How do you think I’ve gotten so much done this year?” I asked. “I stopped giving everyone else my love and I took it back for me.” It got quiet. He hugged me hard for what felt like 45 minutes but was probably 3 mins lol and we said our goodbyes. My robe smelled like Yves Saint Laurent for the next few hours 🙈 I’m summarizing the story of course but it felt good to finally have closure and not give in to my old habits. I finally saw my ex for who he really was all of these years….a good man with a selfish controlling side. Too complex to continue to love.

I’ve had a lot of exes pop up lately. It’s been strange. All of them congratulating me. Telling me they knew I was meant to do something special with my life. It is honestly the hugest turn-off. Like WTF you didn’t see how amazing I was before? When I like a guy I am direct. You will never have to question my intentions. I ask guys out on dates and I am forward yet subtle with my feelings.

That being said I also think I am awesome :)

I have a lot going for myself! I am ambitious, fun, attractive, funny, friendly, humble….etc. (There should be no shame in admitting your awesomeness lol) So when I let a guy know I like him and he lets me down nicely by throwing me in the friend zone I get kind of turned off. I mean who turns down awesomeness? Lol. Clearly the guy was not as cool as I thought if he can’t recognize a good thing when it’s in his face! And a lot of these exes or guys I used to date ALL DROPPED ME. They either thought we’d be better as friends, broke up with me for someone else, or just got ghost when I expressed how I felt. So imagine how I’m feeling now when all these men (4 to be exact) come back around after dismissing me.

I will never take any of them back.

While I have grown over the past two years, I am still essentially the same girl. I still eat cookies in bed. I still like corny jokes. I’m still not the biggest fan of dresses and heels. I still dip my Grandma Utz potato chips in dill pickle juice lol. I’m still the same.

Soooo after fighting a return to the beauty industry I’M BACK! I’m preparing for the PieCycle winter hiatus and Spring tricycle debut by returning to the beauty field. I figure I could save up some money and prepare for the spring! I really tried to give the food industry a good effort but the lack of good paying jobs and lack of respect people had for me due to my limited experience led me back to where the money is decent. I am now an Arch Expert for Benefit Cosmetics. Today was my first day.

The girls I work with seem nice! The bosses seem friendly and fair. It’s a non commission environment which means no crazy cattiness, just girls who have a love for makeup and beauty. I haven’t had much time for myself ever since starting my dessert businesses. As an aesthetician I’m ashamed to say that in the past 7 months I’ve fallen asleep with makeup on more times than I can count and my exfoliation routine has been bleh lol. I gave myself a mini facial before I went into work today just so I could be a convincing “expert”. Once I got onto the sales floor I was back in my element!

It’s so funny. When I tried to work in the food industry (as a line cook or baker) I wasn’t really happy. I felt like the work I was doing either wasn’t appreciated or I wasn’t learning. But for some reason I continued to apply to culinary positions that left me feeling unfulfilled and struggling to get by. I was ignoring every job opening I saw related to the beauty field. Finally I decided to stop running from my original calling. I realized there was no shame in returning to a field that had treated me well for nearly a decade. After all I am still paying off my student loan for aesthetics school. Might as well put the education to good use! The money is wayyyy wayyyy better and the employee discount is ridiculous! From what I see so far this is the perfect position. The hours aren’t crazy. The pay is good and I won’t get so comfortable that I don’t go back to KarmaPop or PieCycle.

I’ve been getting a lot of emails, text messages, and social media messages about starting a business. That inspired me to write this post. Before I get started let me just say that this post is not meant to be mean spirited or selfish. Well maybe a bit selfish. Being selfish with some aspects of your business is something I have learned to do. I’m sorry in advance if anyone takes offense to this post but I feel a lot of this must be said…..

Starting a business takes a lot of independent work. If you are not willing to hit the pavement and put yourself out there and have the door shut in your face a few times or hear the word “No” then maybe you should reconsider.

As a business owner I understand all of the questions that many people have when they first get started. For me, a lot of those questions got answered painfully through trial and error. As much as I love my fellow new business owners I need you all to understand that like Sway, I don’t have the answers. I’m just getting my business up and running too.

I’ve had so many things happen as a business owner this year. I’ve had larger more established food groups steal my ideas that they wanted me to share for a potential partnership. They decided not to partner but then used my ideas. I’ve had chefs discount my culinary skill because I’m self taught. I’ve had others say that my work “is not original” “you’re not creative” “you have no real culinary talent” and on and on. But here I am. I’m still here. Believing in my dream and working hard. I learned fast that the quickest way to be miserable is to listen to the negativity that has been dished out to me. I’ve decided to listen to my customers and trust myself.

I’m writing this post because lately I’ve been having A LOT of people ask me to help them develop a business plan or say to me “give me a blueprint of what you’ve done” but I can’t and refuse to do that. That is something YOU as a business owner have to figure out on your own like I did. If I have the time I can lend a listening ear to a situation but I need for others to remember that I have a business of my own to run as well. Sitting down and developing business plans, providing marketing resources, and potential sponsorships are something that I cannot help anyone with. Those are things as a business owner you will have to develop on your own.

Outside of funding through Kickstarter I had extremely very little to no help with starting my business. I have no help in the kitchen and no help with marketing. When it comes to resources I will share that every bit, EVERY BIT of money I make goes to growing my business. All fun and free time have gone out of the window. I am thankful that I have loving friends that understand and don’t take that personal. But you have to be ready to figure a lot out on your own if you want to start a business.