1-800-we're-all-dudes

aye can i get uh………ingredients on my burger

beetroot?

you want beetroot?

you want fucking beet root?

ingredience

having many trinkets and books is so cool and fun until you realize you have to dust them

They should invent a glasses that you can lay on your side in bed wearing

if you see hardware on yhe ground like a washer or a hex nut you have to pick it up because it’s lonely and scared. if you see any metal on the ground you have to pick it up because it’s alone and scared and lonely.

i can tell when the edible starts to work when i start z-targeting shit irl

i don't like seeing him get like this 💔

mind you he NEVER gets like that unprovoked.

Women with big curly red hair always have like 12 gay guy friends why is that

eddy burback video: I did the russian sleep experiment for a month

Do you remember the episode of Spongebob where he's training gary for the snail race and does a coach persona + calls gary a girl and has an aside where he's like "I called you a lady to demean you 🤓" and right after he says that it cuts to sandy and she somehow telepathically feels that Spongebob just did something misogynistic and us like I feel like I need to kick Spongebobs ass for some reason. And then she appears just at the end of the episode to kick his ass.

I appreciate all us Tumblr oldsters absolutely roasting that "do you have any friends 4x your age" poll, truly.